1999 Verses
17/4/99 First advert of the season
The Christmas trees a distant memory
Easter eggs have all gone 'West'
Now those days are behind us
Comes the time that I love best
We'll pack the car - get up early
Head on down Baldock way
Meet up with some friendly faces
Boot sales return on Saturday!
When I opened the boot sale last Saturday
I noticed that someone had taken the toilets away
I rang the police they sent PC Sweeney
Who agreed that this was the work of a 'dastardly meanie'
According to the PC known as 'John'
Police have nothing on which to go on!
By the time the replacement was into position
Many were queuing on a desperate mission
If you are the culprit and are reading this
We all agree "you've taken the ****!"
1/5/99 This season we had a new caterer - so this verse had to follow!
On Saturday mornings we give mum a treat
She doesn't cook we go out to eat!
Anne cooks our breakfast at the local car boot
Burgers, Bacon, in fact anything to suit
Mum is quite happy - can't believe her luck
Say's the best of it is - There's no washing up!
8/5/99
We are 'store-aholics'
We don't throw stuff away
Our loft is full of unwanted goods
We'll never use one day
The car hasn't seen the garage
Since it was brand new
So Saturday we're off to the boot sale
Maybe we'll see you?
15/5/99
After forty-seven years Bill retired from the firm
And moved to a smaller abode
His wife used to shriek "You're under my feet"
"I want some peace - now get up that road!"
Now bill had a mate who had a large van
From the house they got a big load
And off he went as he'd been sent
To the boot sale with all of her Spode!
22/5/99 FA Cup final day - Manchester United vs Newcastle!
On Saturday we'll sit and watch TV
My dad, my Brother and of course me!
My Brother supports the Geordie team
My Dad, United, The treble's his dream
I'll be there to keep them apart
They'll cause no trouble if they're smart
Mum says "If she stays then she'll be hopping"
She'll spend the morning 'booting' then she's off shopping!
29/5/99 This week Andrew Motion was announced Poet Laureate
I've read the daily papers
I've searched the Internet
I've watched the evening telly
For news I won't forget
I'm really not complaining
I haven't taken it hard
When they chose the Poet Laureate
They missed out the Baldock Bard!
5/6/99
Friday nights are busy
For my mum and me
We load up the car
With stuff from our family
On Saturday we get up early
We leave my dad in bed
And off we go to the boot sale
To make a bit of bread
12/6/99 A local auction house is a favourite with sellers at the boot sale, at their Wednesday sales they bid for 'stock' which then appears on a Saturday. I keep seeing pots of 'all-spice' herbs still which came under the hammer some three years ago!
I went to the auction at Norton
To purchase something to sell
I'd hoped to buy some old china
But things didn't go very well
My nose had an itch (irritating)
Auctioneer Bayles called my name and said "SOLD"
His wife wrote it down in the ledger
So I'm flogging trial packets of Bold!
19/6/99 Someone told me they do a boot sale every month to pay for their phone, gas and electricity bills.
The phone, gas and electric bills
Arrived on the mat together
Just when my bank account
Was distinctly under the weather!
I know, I thought with clarity
I'll do a car boot for a start
But sad to say, I spent it that day
And now I'm in the dark!
26/6/99 This one came about when we had a man selling replacement kitchen unit doors. I like it because we all know someone who is a whiz at everything they do and in my own case I am a walking DIY disaster!
The missus was upset
When she came in from next door
Ted and Jean's new kitchen
Had made her very sore
She said that I was useless
"Why can't you be like Ted?
He's got a better job than you
Jean say's he's good in bed!"
I sloped off down the boot sale
And met a bloke called Giles
He sold me replacement unit doors
Turned her grousing into smiles!
2/7/99 Following the publication of this rhyme a man came up to me on the Saturday and was convinced I knew his Grandad but had put the wrong age!
My Grandad's now seventy-five
He's healthy fit and hearty
He may be grey and wrinkled now
But how he likes a party!
He's a regular down his local pub
He likes his pint of ale
But what he really enjoys
Is meeting the 'boys'
At our Saturday car boot sale!
9/7/99 A lightening strike hit the phone wire in the village and melted it over a distance of over 2 miles. Following many excuses the phone company became fair game!
We've been off the phone for over a week
All I want is to be able to speak
A week is really quite a long time
They're full of excuses 'cept leaves on the line!
First no cable, then no lorry
But worst of all they can't say sorry
Various contacts, e-mails not read
Tried to ring - Was I dead?
So this week if you want to ring
You'd better try two cans and a piece of string!
24/7/99 Being useless myself at DIY I find that it is a subject that is easier to write about than participate!
June finds it hard to understand why
Her husband's so keen on DIY
He can't seem to leave things well alone
He constantly changes his long suffering home
Shelves go up and shelves fall down
"Been to the boot sale - Look what I've found!"
She's given up caring, her patience is thin
He hits his thumb whilst she hits the Gin!
31/7/99 Holidays are always good for a verse no matter how silly!
We are off on holiday
I'm sure it's going to rain
Last year we went to the Isle of Wight
This year we're off to Spain
Out there they use 'Petatas'
Couple of hundred to the pound
I bought a bag at the car boot sale
Fresh picked from the ground!
I saved myself some money
No commission to pay you see
And any left on our return
Can always be fried for tea!
7/8/99 THE event of the year was on it's way - the total eclipse of the sun.
I bought two thousand hand torches
At an auction near Morden in May
They've littered my house since I bought them
My wife said "Take them away"
On my stall at the boot sale near Baldock
ECLIPSE TORCHES - BUY ONE TODAY!
Sold them all to the fact I was shouting
"Don't get caught in the dark on Wednesday!"
14/8/99 The eclipse happened but was generally spoilt by cloud and rain.
I went down West to watch the eclipse
A once-in-a-lifetime not to be missed
I spent all Tuesday in a traffic jam
Would've arrived far sooner in a vintage tram!
I set up camp in a farmers field
More money than corn, tents can yield!
I bought special specs to protect my eyes
The money I spent was the real surprise
I waited and watched to no avail
It was cloudy and damp like last weeks boot sale!
I ended up cold broke and smelly
I'd have seen far more at home on telly!
21/8/99 I am constantly amazed at what folk bring to the boot sale to sell. This verse celebrates a couple who set up a trailer tent to sell! (deciding at the last minute to keep it to take on holiday themselves!)
A couple from Letchworth owned a trailer tent
But their family was growing larger
So they put it up at our boot sale
Complete with fridge and larder
Many stopped to peer inside
And offered them much money
They couldn't bear to sell it there
Which many found quite funny
You may think this tale happened just once
In fact three years and days
The trailer tent's now off to Kent
With the family on their holidays!
28/8/99 There are many milestones that mark the gradual onset of years, I have reached the time where I have a son off to University! There had to be a verse in that!
I'm feeling my age as my son's off to Uni
I don't have a 'tum' although you can't call me puny!
I've still got some hair and most of my teeth
No in-growing toe-nails or corns underneath!
I don't ask for cutlery when I'm eating a 'Whopper'
No straw in the milkshake would just be improper!
I spend Saturday mornings down at the car boot
Unless on Friday night I've imitated a newt!
I've just bought a Walkman, mobile phone and a pager
I'm not middle aged just a recycled teenager!
4/9/99 Many accuse me of political bias - Yes! I am biased - I dislike all Politicians!
This week marked the dawning of a new era - the general realisation that we as consumers were being ripped-off. The Government lead the charge against retailers conveniently forgetting the level of taxation we enjoy! (Mr Prescott is Deputy Prime Minister in charge of Transport)
If 'Two Jags' Prescott had his way
They'd be no cars at the boot sale today
80% of the fuel price is tax
He's milking us drivers up to the max!
For fags and booze we can go abroad
And for cheaper cars we can afford
Every day from Dover a thousand vans
I guess they'll soon take empty cans!
The Government complain store pricing's unkind
They conveniently forget they're robbing us blind
So now ministers take a tip from us
Instead of Concorde - Take the bus!
11/9/99 It just had to happen! A week when my page was blank and the deadline was upon me!
Every week I have this fear
Tuesday deadline - no idea!
I try to write a topical verse
But all my efforts get worse and worse!
All this week I've been covered in dust
Harvesting Linseed to make a crust
And so I've reached this fateful day
All my ideas have blown away
So if you see me at the boot sale
Don't be surprised if I look quite pale
Because my harvest is finished - No don't laugh
I've at last had time to have a bath!
18/9/99
It was our anniversary (Yes! I'd forgotten)
The missus was shouting treating me rotten
When all of a sudden I had an idea
"I'm taking you out, you'll enjoy it no fear"
We drove up to Baldock, right at Tesco's
Then right at the roundabout as everyone knows
As we pulled on the boot field she started to scream
I hushed her up with a burger, flowers and ice cream!
25/9/99
I had masses of stuff in my garage
I thought "I'll do a boot sale"
I watched the forecast on TV
It said "rain and maybe some hail!"
In the morning I put on some thermals
Waterproofs to keep out the wet
The temperature soared to the eighties
I lost over a stone due to sweat!
2/10/99 Political parties hold their conferences at this time of year
Tony and John at the seaside
Paddy and Charles there last week
It'll be William and Anne there next Monday
I wish they'd all listen not speak
Do the leaders deserve the ovation?
When onto the platforms they climb
With all that hot air in abundance
You'd have thought the weather this month would be fine!
9/10/99 The weather is always a bone of contention when organising any outdoor event!
'Him Upstairs' was taking a bath
Early last Saturday morning
He looked downstairs saw a boot sale there
And pulled the plug without a warning
The boot sale field was flooded
So wet you couldn't get near
I heard him laugh as he cleaned his bath
"That'll teach you who's boss round here!"
16/9/99 Final verse of the season
Alas my friends, the boot sales end
And the winter nights draw in
The Baldock Bard (really quite tired)
Will now hibernate 'till spring
Thanks for reading my weekly verse
I hope it's made you smile
Or made you think or tickled pink
Because then it's been worthwile
Thanks also go to my customers
Whether they come to buy or sell
But I mustn't miss out or they might pout
The newspaper staff as well