2000 Verses
Saturday 15th April (First sale of the season)
Car Boots back this Saturday
Car Boots back this Saturday
You can say this in a trice
Because just like the Government
I thought I'd announce it twice!
They repeat each message a dozen times
Just in case we missed
Fifty million spent again
To give it 'spin' (or twist!)
Saturday 22nd April (Easter Weekend)
Easter-time is here again
Chocolate eggs from chocolate hen!
They're now on sale throughout the year
Taking surprise from children I fear
It's also time for bedding plants
A gift for Grandma and favourite Aunts
Instant colour to be showed
Available now at Buntingford Road!
Saturday 29th April Following two very wet Saturdays!
On the 'River Boot' near Baldock
They're having a laugh
Ducks and geese and swans abound
Someone's built a raft!
Over in the corner
An official with a cap
Angry that the water course
Is nowhere on the map!
Saturday 6th May We had an unwelcome visit from a fox!
On our farm about a week ago
A fox came calling and away did go
Killed our chickens removed their heads
Whilst they were sleeping in their beds
Feathers scattered all around
My favourite cockerel dead on the ground
If that fox had wanted food
I wouldn't hate him or be rude
If I'm late then you'll know
I'm no longer woken by a morning crow!
Saturday 13th May In the elections for the new Mayor of London the Independent candidate (formerly a Labour MP) won with a vast majority forcing the official Labour candidate into 3rd place. However in this election and the local elections turnout was poor showing people's boredom with politics.
Up in London they've got a new mayor
An irritation for Tony Blair
More politicians have been created
These talking shops will soon be sated
The public is bored with these politics
Their sneaky taxes and underhand tricks
Do we need yet more devolution?
Effective government a better solution
To get together we need no Wembley
Saturday mornings we hold our assembly!
Saturday 20th May European Federalism has come one step nearer courtesy of a speech by the German Foreign Minister. It also seems that our leaders are hell-bent on replacing the pound with the Euro. The Eurovision Song Contest also resulted in neighbourhood voting regardless of the merits of the song.
In Brussels they have a committee
That sits on it's backside all day
Thinking of novel ideas
And ways to enforce us to pay
They invented the dead straight banana
And chocolate that tasted all wrong
The Euro is worthless in value
Just like last weeks top Euro song!
The German Foreign Minister
Wants a large Euro-state at least
They lost both the wars when they tried it
Looks like they could just win the peace
27/5/00 Whilst congratulations are due to a London couple on the birth of their fourth child, the cynical amongst us view the delivery by 'Spin Doctors' with suspicion.
The baby's been announced (just once!)
There are smiles at Number Ten
They've looked around the cabinet
But can't find Three Wise Men!
They thought they'd found a wondrous star
Illuminate the baby's home
Due to technical problems
It alighted on the dome!
The shepherds are all bankrupt
The cows have all gone barmy
The stables are now holiday lets
For Tony's Townie Army
3/6/00 In loving memory of the 'Dot Com' companies that failed this week, mainly through the lack of basic business skills
I went shopping the other day
Not by bus but the 'Dot Com' way
I punished my plastic until it was sore
Buying goods on a web site store
Three weeks later the goods arrive
Postman struggles up my drive
The clothes don't fit the food is stale
Should have gone to the car boot sale!
10/6/00 BRITAIN'S SHAME
Lottery Funds? None for St Dunstans, None for the Dunkirk Boats,
Plenty for that oversized tent in London.
The sea gently laps on the Dunkirk shore
Bucket and spades now no hint of war
Look in St Dunstans there you'll find
A man who on that beach left his sight behind
He doesn't understand what he's done to be shunned
Twice in a row by the lottery fund
Such appalling treatment for the brave and the bold
Makes you wonder how they'll treat us when we're that old.
24/6/00 Wimbledon Tennis Fortnight is here again, a sure sign that the summer weather will be absent for at least two weeks!
Wimbledon Fortnight is here again
Strawberries, Cream
And undoubtedly rain!
Will there be a winner from our shore?
Or will they exit early
Just like they've done before?
If you can't find tickets that are up for sale
You'll find love, set and match
At our car boot sale!
1/7/00
On weekday mornings I have to say
In my bed I like to stay
The alarm has gone, it's time for work
Just five more minutes in bed I lurk
Now Saturdays are always different you see
6.15 cup of tea
Into the car come rain or hail
Just can't miss the car boot sale!
8/7/00
I've been away on holiday
Missed the boot sale last Saturday
It was uneventful (nothing of note)
I even lent Jo my fluorescent coat
Tommy helped her held her hand
Whilst I relaxed on the sand
Nobody asked when was I back
If I'm not careful I'll get the sack!
15/7/00 Summer continues to avoid the United Kingdom with a vengeance
It's been so cold that someone said
"Summer's gone to the Eastern Med!"
In Turkey it's been over 40 degrees
At our boot sale it's been enough to freeze!
We've had plenty of rain to make the grass grow
What'll be next - could it be snow?
And so to scientists I issue this warning
"Don't you dare mention Global Warming!"
22/7/00
When I grow up I want to be an MP
Take all my friends to the Commons for tea
Sit in the house and shout "Here! Here!"
Vote myself a pay rise every year
Make it the law to visit boot sales
Outlaw supermarkets and ban eating snails!
Ride around town in a limo that's long
And when I retire get a nice shiny gong
Up to the Lords to end all my days
It just goes to show how much 'cronyism' pays!
29/7/00
We bought Granddad a computer
"I don't want that" he said
We showed him how the Internet worked
Now he won't go to bed
He found his picture on u-boot's web site
He's E-mailed Bill and Shamus
He's made great friends all around the world
And considers he's now famous
He calls himself a 'Silver Surfer'
He's thrown away his ointment
If now we want to see him
We have to make an appointment!
August 4th Queen Mothers 100th Birthday
Every one is special
Whether Grandma, Granny or Nan
There's always been a grandma
Since the world began
The Queen Mum's now 100
The press have gone overboard
There are many others that we know
Who are lonely sad or bored
The world has shrunk in their time
No-where's far away
So take some time and let's make this
Hug a Granny Day!
August 11th
My little girl's nearly three
On Saturday mornings she comes with me
We have a pitch at the car boot sale
She smiles at the customers and cannot fail
To make them buy what's on our stall
She's acting like at the Albert Hall!
She gets tetchy come mid morning
Sits in her car seat and starts yawning
By the time I leave there's not a peep
It's very peaceful - she's fast asleep!
August 19th It's always pleasing when you hear that someone is doing well.
I once knew a chap called Steve
To have a shop was his plan
He was a regular at our boot sales
Selling flowers from a van
Now in the Arcade in Letchworth
His name displayed above the door
Flowers spill out onto the pavement
His customers always wanting more!
His pitch at the boot sale is now empty
Although disappointed one thing I know
He's worked hard to fulfil ambition
From car boots great shops do grow!
August 26th Exam results for GCSE's have been published this week ('A' Levels last week)
The results have come out
Some pupils are in shock
Some are off to 'Uni'
Even more are not
I can grow a crop
Or even mend a fence
Why's there no exam
To test common sense?
Don't get too upset
If exams you did fail
You could always end up like me
Running a car boot sale!
September 2nd Forecasters get it wrong again!
Every Friday after the news
I watch the forecast to get their views
They tell me that the sun will shine
I wish they were right most of the time
This year has been difficult don't I know
What with gales and summer snow!
But ancient methods inspire indeed
Perhaps they need some new seaweed!
My opinion you ask me?
I'd relegate their computer to making the tea!
September 9th
The credit card bill dropped on the mat
The 'special offer' holiday wasn't that!
The 'exchange rate mechanism' made me frown
All that cost just to get brown!
"There's nothing for it" my wife declared
"Now our finances are finally bared
Clear out the garage and the surplus toys
We'll do a boot sale with help from the boys"
All went well or so I feel
Paid off the card and went out for a meal!
16th September. Farmers and truckers peacefully protest outside fuel depots and use rolling roadblocks to protest at the highest level of fuel taxation in Europe. Over 80% of the public show their support.
The farmers and the truckers
Are blockading once again
Ministers "won't be held to ransom"
'Cos highway robbery is their game!
So Saturday at the boot sale
I may be missing I'm afraid
Taking my tractor down the road
To join the barricade!
23rd September. 'Olympic Fever' reaches this country as competitors actually win medals! We are so used as a nation to not winning that it comes as a shock and the medal winners become instant celebrities!
The Olympic games are here once more
Unusual sports on the track and floor!
Revealing sportswear on the bright white sand
Out of the water pops a synchronized hand!
Waif-like gymnasts contort and spin
'Shark'-suited swimmers without a fin!
Lycra-clad cyclists hurtle round the track
The looser in the wrestling lies in pain on his back
If nocturnal sport on TV leaves you cold
Come to our boot sale and go for Gold!
30th September. Olympic success is greater than even the most optimistic games-follower dared hope for. The government meets for it's annual conference in Brighton with confidence in politicians riding at an all-time low. The row over the dome continues as the lottery hands over yet more money and there is little hope in the percentage of fuel tax coming down. Rip-Off Britain is alive and well.
Our Athletes doing well at the Olympic games
Previous medal tallies shot down in flames
Some for teams and some on their own
Results for money not spent on the dome
The Government's meeting in a seaside town
So much bull I'm afraid they'll drown
No-one believes their spin of old
In the fuel tax race they'd win the gold
So for the dome I've got an idea
Give it to me - for car boots sales all year!
7th October.
Mother-in-law has a birthday next week
I went to the boot sale a present to seek
An old piece of brass or a shawl to clutch
(She'd only be embarrassed if I spent too much!)
A second-hand broom caught my eye
One careful owner and yes! It does fly
A basket that would do for her smelly old cat
An old dark cloak and a pointed hat
My wife exploded "In hell you will rot"
I bought her mother a cooking pot
(Leg of toad wing of bat stir it in and that is that!)
October 14th The end of the season is here
This weeks boot sale is the last this year
Not long to go and Christmas is here
Come mid-April we start again
In brilliant sunshine no more rain
So to our sellers buyers and readers too
Our success is down to you
Happy Christmas and prosperous 2001
Lets hope next year we see more sun
If you suffer withdrawal and you start to fret
You'll find 'u-boot' on the internet!