2002 Verses
20/4/02
In the Budget this week there was no mention
Of the 100% increase in your pension!
More money on health don’t make me laugh
The wards will be full of office staff!
To work by car we must refrain
You can tell that Tony doesn’t use the train!
But what Gordon Brown forgot to say
“Boot Sales are back on Saturday!”
27/4/02
Now I’m retired I have to say
I miss seeing workmates every day
I love the garden, I love my wife
But that’s not all there is to life
Often whilst weeding I raise a smirk
And wonder what they’re doing at work
However on Saturdays without fail
I meet them all at the car boot sale
They pull my leg and always say
That I’m on holiday every day
4/5/02
My computer thinks it is at rest
It stares blankly from the desk
It says ‘Please Wait’ as if it’s ill
Only problem I’m waiting still
I called the doctor who said “Oh Dear
This is going to cost I fear!
Call the vicar to say ‘Amen’
You’d better return to paper and pen!”
u-boot.co.uk back when computer mended!
11/5/02
Mrs Smith set out her stall
It was quite unique
A bed, a carpet, wardrobe, posters
And a pile of clothes in a heap
“This is my son’s bedroom
Or at least it used to be
I warned him time and time again
Now perhaps he’ll listen to me”
18/5/02
Bill’s an antique dealer
He knows about fine china
He always goes to antique shows
Digs up treasure like a miner
He’s first at the car boot sale
To snap up all the gear
His wife comes too her name is Sue
She’s been with him a year
He spied some old Spode dishes
Said they were fantastic
All his stock goes to his shop
At home they eat off plastic!
25/5/02
World Cup fever is mounting in the press even though the event is two weeks away.
My wife doesn’t like football
She’s looking forward to Japan
When I want to watch the match
She always says I can
I go to the bottom of the garden
Where I have my shed
She sits in state in the sitting room
Reading Mills & Boon’s instead!
There’s only one thing I’ll have to do
So world peace in our house will prevail
Take her up the Buntingford road
To the Saturday car boot sale!
1/6/02
Congratulations to Her Majesty on her Golden Jubilee from all of us at the boot sale.
The Queen will be busy this weekend
There will be cheering and playing by bands
Wherever she goes a tune that she knows
Will be played whenever she stands
She never sees a weed in her garden
Or puts out the Royal Wheelie Bin
She never goes out for a quick half of stout
Or eats food that comes from a tin
One doesn’t do Sainsbury’s with ‘hubby’
It’s certainly not royal or serene
Can you imagine the Duke with a trolley!
“And what shall we have tonight Queen?”
If Her Majesty gets fed up with reigning
Or hard times should ever prevail
We’d offer her (in exchange for a ‘Sir’?)
A pitch at One’s ‘Royal’ car boot sale!
8/6/02
Know a fella, name of Stan
He’s what you call a World Cup fan
To watch the matches in the week
Went to the doctor a sicky to seek
I’ve got this cough, I’ve got this pain,
Dizzy spells, ankle sprain.
The Doctor said “It’s bad I fear”
“Could mean no football for at least a year”
Leaving the surgery with a snarl and a frown
Unseen car mowed him down
He’s now horizontal all plastered up
Worst of all NO WORLD CUP!
15/6/02
What a great summer it could be
Following on from the Jubilee
The World Cup finals in Japan
England and Ireland to thrill the fan
Could Wimbledon success be displayed?
Twenty-five years since Virginia Wade
Later on the Commonwealth Games
Held in Manchester where it rains!
So whether you kick or hit or run
Let’s just have our share of sun!
21/6/02
I had an invitation the other day
For a credit card, no need to pay
I took advantage of the special rate proffered
And six more cards that I was offered.
I went out on a shopping spree
Even spent a weekend in Gay Paree
I surfed for bargains on the internet
Ended up with a cyber pet
Now there’s nothing that I lack
Apart from the money to pay them back!
28/6/02
You must know Frank; he’s a bit of a laugh
Likes plastic ducks to share his bath
A larva lamp blobs on his desk
While he scratches through his old string vest
Mobile phones adorn the hall
I’ve never heard them ring at all
You must know Frank and his wife Daisy?
You know him, he’s car boot crazy!
6/7/02
A recent report suggested that competition for primary school children at their sports day was unacceptable and should be replaced with team-building non-competitive events
In Primary Schools everywhere
It’s that time of year again
The track is green the lines are white
And yes! It looks like rain
Running, skipping, three-legged race
A race for Mum and Dad
But now competition is not allowed
Winning the race is bad
How will we fare in the future?
With our sportsmen on the world stage
They’ll complain “It’s not fair I was beaten”
And disappear off in a rage
12/7/02
The British Grand Prix was a fore-gone conclusion, judged by some commentators as 'predictable'
Has anyone watched the Grand’s Prix
And found it as tedious as me?
I watch from the start
Then soon depart
To watch anything on BBC
How can they improve by degree?
Driving backwards, no mirrors, no see!
Take all engines out
Replace petrol with stout
And stop every lap for a tea
Could we change the venue for free?
Shun Monaco for Wells next the Sea
Let’s ban team Ferrari
Renault and Minardi
And we might just win our Grand Prix!
19/7/02
Boot Sale Nursery Rhymes number 5
Sing a song a-boot sale
A pocket full of cash
You should see the dealers
On their bargain-hungry dash!
Then afterwards a burger
That Anne prepares with care
All this on a Saturday
We hope to see you there!
27/7/02
According to a survey British and Irish holidaymakers are bottom of the list when it comes to behavior abroad and the Germans are the best.
Last week a story caught my eye
As tourists we’re worse than any who fly
But Lo! What’s this, what have I missed?
How can the Germans be top of the list?
Such friendly folk, who smile and laugh
They always queue and are kind to staff
They’d never think to be so cruel
By reserving recliners around the pool
Last week Farmer Giles was away
No thought of boot sales or even hay
Who did he find had got there first?
(I’ll give you a clue, they eat Bratwurst!)
3/8/02
The Summer recess starts at Westminster with the government announcing private healthcare for Asylum-Seekers and an increase in MP's pensions whilst normal people see the value of their pensions fall.
Our MP’s are now on holiday
‘Poor dears’ they need a rest!
They won’t be back ‘till October
Never to return would be best
Private healthcare to be provided
For those that come in by train
Whilst we who’ve paid have to queue
And wait our turn with pain
The government make announcements
Spin disguised as fact
President Blair doesn’t care
As long as his pension’s intact!
10/8/02
Bill and June were married
In Nineteen-fifty-two
She was young and pretty
When he said: “Yes I do!”
Now fifty years have flown by
The children have moved away
Bill decides to treat her
To a romantic holiday
He presents her with the tickets
She lets out a wail
“You know that I can’t miss
The Saturday Car Boot Sale!”
(So they are now going away in November!)
17/8/02
The firm who printed my diary
Have really mucked up this year
They’ve got this month as August
It can’t be right I fear
Nice warm cups of coffee
Ice-cream profit warning
As temperatures go next could be snow
Bring on that global warming.
24/8/02
My children can be naughty
They can also be good!
I worry if they’re out late
Even though they’re 18 & 21!
I wouldn’t be without them.
A. Father
Please spare a thought and a prayer for the parents and friends of Holly, Jessica and Milly. If you have children or grandchildren give them an extra hug, they’re all special.
31/8/02
Every Monday or Tuesday sometimes
Gemma rings up demanding rhymes
“Is it ready?” or “You’re late you know?”
For that simple verse in the Royston Crow
Most of the time I reply with largesse
“I’ve got it all ready, I’ll send it express”
It’s Tuesday already, I’m on borrowed time
I can’t even make some simple words rhyme
All of a sudden a line proves I’m able
‘Come to our boot sale, bring your own table!’
7/9/02
There are dates for each generation
That hold significance for a nation
Up to last year in the USA
It was the assassination of JFK
Five years ago with misty eye
We had the death of Princess Di
Next week 9/11 we will remember
Yet another sad day in the month of September
We ought to remember those who’ll say
“Our remembrance is every day”
14/9/02
Where are all the soldiers?
To fight an Iraqi war
We haven’t got spare infantry
Like we once had before
Some are stationed in Bosnia
Some in Afghanistan
A few of the last are in Belfast
Protecting Tony’s plan
Uncle Sam will win again
To me that just sounds fine
We should follow the Yanks example
And join in three years time!
21/9/02
The Countryside is going up to town
We’ll be marching up and down
To put our case to Blair and Brown
No longer can we wait
I don’t go hunting with a great big ‘orse
Or fish with rod by a watercourse
I shoot the odd pheasant for supper of course
Local produce on the plate
The politicians will never understand
That family farms care best for the land
It’s now time to take a stand
But for some it’s much too late
28/9/02
I met this lady at the boot sale
Who reads these verses without fail
It made me smile when she said
She reads them while she’s still in bed
Her husband brings her a cup of tea
This morning he’ll find her full of glee!
“It’s OK for some” I hear you say
As you’re off to work there she lay
So Mrs ‘X’ as you read this line
You’re famous now
Before breakfast-time!
5/10/02
Last weekend I should have stayed home
Instead as a family we decided to roam
We packed up the car including the dog
And left very early in miserable fog
The children were sick the dog took a dump
We broke down at the petrol pump
We ate garage food while waiting for recovery
It took a stale sandwich to make our discovery
“If your weekend looks boring
and your kids are up for sale!
You should get along to the car boot sale”
12/10/02
These shady scientists who have no name
Always looking for someone to blame
Then the newspapers and TV
Pick up on these scares with glee
An increase in bedbugs (no not snails)
Who can we blame – Ah! Car Boot Sales!
So our response to this latest attack
We all think
“YOU’RE TALKING CR*P!”
19/10/02
The season finishes on Saturday
Pasting tables will be put away
Saturday mornings won’t be the same
No need to care if sun or rain
Thanks to you, if you buy or sell
For making this season go so well
Boot sales will return, never fear
But you’ll have to wait ‘till April next year
The final verse is never hard:
Happy Christmas from the Baldock Bard!