Slippery When Wet!

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SlipperySo the great debate has started, are we in or are we out? To be quite honest I’m bored already by aloof, slippery and untrustworthy politicians telling me what’s best for me. Like all institutions, the EU (or whatever it’s called these days), has good and bad for us all. Unfortunately many trillion more words are about to assault our ears…

Some say “stay in,”
some say “stay out,”
until June 23rd,
they’ll argue and shout.
Have they forgotten,
I think it’s true,
the final decision,
is up to me and you!

With apologies to my international readers for such a local topic, I’ll try my best not to mention it again! Have a peaceful week and ‘nil illegitimi carborundum’ ! 

© Baldock Bard 2016
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Daffodils in December!

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December DaffsYesterday Mrs Bard and I went to see my elderly father. He had been busy, preparing smoked salmon, fresh fruit salad and mince pies. However, just before our arrival, he’d been to a sheltered part of his garden and picked some flowering daffodils! This is a time for panic, run for the hills…

There are Daffs in December,
we need an answer NOW!
We’re all much more intelligent,
must be a ‘What?’ or ‘How?’

Set up an enquiry!
Consultants by the score!
Lease an expensive building,
and then employ some more!

The enquiry takes two years,
millions it has cost,
any agreed outcomes,
unfortunately lost!

Before we all panic,
we should perhaps remember,
a mild and wet winter,
may bring Daffodils in December!

There is an upside! my late-drilled wheat looks like it will feed even more mouths thanks to the mild weather.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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An Intolerant Society?

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When did we become such an intolerant society? I always thought that the greatest cornerstone of our society was the freedom of expression. I was obviously wrong. The words spoken publicly by American Presidential Candidate Donald Trump are both immoral and an affront to common decency. One way to deal with an idiot such as Trump is to starve him of the oxygen of publicity he so desperately craves. There are those in our world who would see him gagged, excluded and possibly worse. Surely they are not claiming to be liberal-minded people?

There are those in some countries,
who are not allowed to speak,
their minds,
except behind closed doors,
in frightened whispers.

They dream of a time,
when they can stand in a public place
and shout to the world.

If I don’t like what someone has said,
I am free to use my freedom to oppose.

However,
if I speak about curbing expression…
I am no longer free,
and those who seek to abolish simple freedoms…
have Won.

In ‘The Friends of Voltaire’, Evelyn Beatrice Hall wrote: “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it”

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

 

 

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Shoot to Kill Policy

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Shoot to KillThere is much talk in the wake of the Paris attacks about ‘what, if and how’ a similar outrage would be treated on London streets. Debate is good, however it is not the time to have reasonable discussion. Here on the farm we are not allowed to have rats. Following a poison control failure I have had to introduce a ‘shoot to kill’ policy…

I taped a torch to my gun,
and went to where the rats do run,
no rodent rights in my head,
my only aim to shoot them dead.
One appeared gave me the finger,
not much longer did it linger,
I raised the gun loosed off a round,
a rodent terrorist fell to the ground.
No debate neither fun,
just an action that had to be done.

We should fully support our police and armed forces who risk their lives allowing us to sleep safely in our comfortable beds.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The 5p Plastic bag!

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Plastic bagsSo now we have to pay for plastic bags. In this age where we are all supposed to be more liberal it is obligatory to raise a cheer for aquatic wildlife everywhere. Quite how my Baldock-collected plastic bag finds its way to the sea I’m uncertain. I can just hope that other countries have similar rules. However I welcome the charge…

Five pence for a plastic bag,
the best bargain I’ve ever had!
I took my own shopping yesterday,
just so I didn’t have to pay!
But the greatest result this far,
I’ll use those bags that litter my car.
And even better no more snags,
when I attempt to open those bloody bags!
Weak and pathetic I know I am,
plastic bags defeat me, I’m only a man!

Quite why the Nanny State had to introduce this when certain shops had already introduced the charge without legislation I don’t know. Well done M&S! 

© Baldock Bard 2015

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every Saturday until 17th of October

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The Art of Conversation!

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boat saleRunning a car boot sale in this country comes with problems that don’t affect markets in some other nations. We are at the mercy of the Great British Summer. Since the earliest of times, the weather has come to the aid of this Island Race when conversation has lagged. This has avoided those long silences that some unfortunate nations endure…

Here we are it’s Saturday,
Car Boot time again,
the forecast is uncertain,
looks like we’ll have rain!

Last week a sunny morning,
‘till after half-past-four,
then the heaven’s opened,
Down the rain did pour!

We all know politicians,
can’t agree together,
so let us just be thankful,
they can’t control the weather!

…it helps to fill a blog as well! Have a great weekend and I’ll see you on the other side!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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Fertilizer Spreading!

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Fert May15Yesterday as the country went to the polls we were busy spreading the last of the fertilizer on the wheat. Carl was on the spreader and I was attempting to keep him topped up with ton bags from the farm. The results of our day will take much longer to show…

We’re spreading fertilizer,
it helps crops to grow,
we calibrate the spreader,
or it comes out like snow.
Then off to the field,
to see if dose is right,
little pellets of goodness,
like hail – round and white!
Here comes the loader,
two more tons to be spread,
into the spreader,
then back to the shed!
By early evening,
the very last field,
now we need some rain,
to boost up the yield!
But not on Saturday morning!
Fert May152
© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Headless Voter!

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Headless VoterTomorrow the country goes to the polls. By Friday morning we may well wake up to a weak government controlled by a mish-mash of other parties or a weak government controlled by Scottish Nationalists (how we used to laugh at Italian politics!). The media has run such a long campaign that it is guilty of introducing mind-numbing boredom and apathy towards the election. Unfortunately it’s the system we have, so it’s time to put up and shut up…

We get the politicians we deserve;
we stupidly think it’s us they serve.
They hide behind ancient walls,
like scurrying rats when voting calls.
They’re like light bulbs each and ever hour,
they only seek one thing: that’s POWER!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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Hiding in the Rushes!

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HidingHow did we reach this state where we have some of the weakest, most pathetic and untrustworthy politicians on the planet? Leadership – something sadly lacking as they descend towards the gutter at warp-factor nine. The truth lies hiding somewhere in the rushes…

I’m so fed up with politics,
Shouting, smears, dirty tricks.
They won’t look us in the eyes,
In case we see their woeful lies.
No party is above a TV stunt,
From venue to venue supporters shunt.
If only they were Pinocchio,
In real time watch noses grow!
Common sense suspended until May 8,
Until then they’ll each other hate!
And after then, they’ll be so wise:
“That was policy, there were no lies!”

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Stagnant Meeting!

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SwansThe other day I went to a meeting where important matters were to be discussed. However it turned out to be a rather stagnant meeting where I longed for a diversion. Of course this often happens in the swan world…

“I call this meeting to order,” said Swan number one,
“There’s much to get through, much to get done.”
“We’ve seventy-nine thousand apologies to get through.”
“Can we not name them all?” said Swan number two!
“Minutes of last meeting should have been read,”
Unfortunately at this point a child with some bread,
Turned up on the bank and started to throw,
“This meeting is abandoned, we must all go!”
So the moral of this tale is easy for all to see,
That food is more important than items one to three!

With sincere apologies to anyone attending a meeting today. I’m sure it is vital and doesn’t need interruptions of any sort. Enjoy!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015

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