The Stagnant Meeting!

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SwansThe other day I went to a meeting where important matters were to be discussed. However it turned out to be a rather stagnant meeting where I longed for a diversion. Of course this often happens in the swan world…

“I call this meeting to order,” said Swan number one,
“There’s much to get through, much to get done.”
“We’ve seventy-nine thousand apologies to get through.”
“Can we not name them all?” said Swan number two!
“Minutes of last meeting should have been read,”
Unfortunately at this point a child with some bread,
Turned up on the bank and started to throw,
“This meeting is abandoned, we must all go!”
So the moral of this tale is easy for all to see,
That food is more important than items one to three!

With sincere apologies to anyone attending a meeting today. I’m sure it is vital and doesn’t need interruptions of any sort. Enjoy!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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Wasted Young Lives – Again

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Roadside FlowersSix months before my son was killed in a traffic accident I wrote this verse. It lay forgotten in a file until this morning. This weekend saw yet more young lives lost. According to the press one of the drivers had only passed his test a few days before he died. News like this transports our family back to Februray 12th 2003. When will the carnage and wasted young lives stop?

Blue flashing lights announce the show.

“Roll Up, Roll Up for the greatest free show in town.”
“Slow Down, Slow Down so you can look around”
“The more you slow, the more you’ll know.”
“That’s right Sir, just enjoy the show!”

Fluorescent coats surround a crumpled car.
There is no need to hurry now as time ran out with the road.
The rookie fireman turns retching onto the grass unprepared for what he sees.
A policeman wipes away a single tear, he’s seen it often before.

The traffic slows in mock respect, to pry on private scenes.
“Don’t look now children!” says the father as he slows the car to get a better view.
Others look upon the scene with scorn, it could never happen to them, while with protesting tyres they narrowly avoid hitting the car in front.
Traffic builds up in the other direction, they have further to look.

Photographs are taken, not of weddings or births, christenings or celebrations, but of twisted agony.
“Smile Please” has no place here.
Paperwork will turn tragic waste into a statistic.
Young bodies lie side by side under a blanket: their passion, heartbeats and racing pulses idle.

The show is over.

Policemen knock on distant doors with dread.
A mother wails “No, No, No” while her husband lays a gentle hand on her shoulder and thanks the officer for a thankless task.
A father curses the day he lent his son the deposit for a first car.
A sister lies weeping in her room, time a-plenty to regret last words never spoken.

The only remaining stains at the scene are skid marks that point to a broken fence and damaged tree, no bandage for this injury.
Flowers appear, a shrine to youthful inexperience, a mark of family grief for others to glance at while speeding on their way muttering:
“That could never happen to me”.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

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Putin’s Lidl Surprise!

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VodkaIt’s Polish week in Lidl (as if you didn’t already know!). Amongst the shelves of Schab Pieczony, Tlyzcki and Golonka Kresowa is a bottle of vodka. “Okrzvki!” (cheers!) you may be thinking, however you’d possibly be wise not to use “Na Zdorovie!” (cheers in Russian!) as it may earn you a visit from the KGB…

Should President Putin solace seek,
He’d better miss Lidl today
There’s a liquid suggestion,
Of which he’ll no notice pay!

He’s had advice in the past,
From Washington to Rome,
Russian Soldiers in Ukrane,
Just Putin-off back home!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

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It’s All Greek To Me!

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Greek MoneySo the Greeks have been to the ballot box and voted to give Angela Merkel and the rest of the EU the finger! What happens next? It’s a scenario that could only happen in a southern European country, where working hours are tradionally short and lunch is long. Northern Europeans have never understood the Southerners. If the truth be known, they could have possibly been slightly jealous of their ‘devil may care’ attitude!. Thirty years ago commentators were discussing a ‘two-tier Europe’, perhaps the time has arrived…

The Greeks went to the Ballot box,
With austerity they didn’t agree,
Said to Europe, “Get off our backs,
There’ll be no payback, see!

Ceremonial guards do the goose-step,
Tourists watch with glee!
Domestica and Retsina by the glass,
They’re desperate to pee!

Taramasalata and Pitta bread,
Overlooking the sea?
Fakelaki backhanders greasing palms,
There’s nothing here for free!

Billions donated by Europe?
Austerity, generations may see,
I don’t understand the problem,
It’s all Greek to me!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Food Bank

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ShoppersRecently the press has published comments by the Archbishop of Canterbury who thinks that food bank funding is the responsibility of government. It has opened a whole can of worms. Much of the argument is now firmly based on political agendas with the hungry families relegated to the sidelines. I feel that something has been missed from the argument. Maybe I’m just being too simplistic…

Thank Heavens for the Food Bank
When food some can’t afford,
Charity should begin at home,
Rather than abroad.

…Let’s just thank those wonderful volunteers who run this remarkable service and continue to donate wherever and whenever we can.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

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They Think It’s Over…!

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UJAt last the referendum is over, until the next time! We still have a United Kingdom, the moon is still up there, tigers didn’t escape from the zoo and blue and white is now yesterday’s colour. So back to normal chaps, as quick as you can…

Moving swiftly on,
It’s back to normal,
I knew yesterday,
I’m paranormal!

It’s time for the news,
To turn away,
And point their cameras,
Another way!

And those in Whitehall,
Will decide,
How to tell Scotland,
They lied about the bribe!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk
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Scotland Will Decide!

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SaltireFollowing complaints from news organisations that they were running out of decent footage, all our political masters have abandoned Westminster to head North to Scotland today. It is rumoured that bribes-for-votes are the order of the day while the rest of the United Kingdom stifles a yawn…

One week from today,
If the Scots have their way,
The one word may be ‘goodbye!’
Both sides offer a land,
If it goes as they’ve planned,
Of ‘Whiskey and Porridge, Och Aye!’
But we all know,
How promises go,
Disappear in the wink of an eye!
So here’s to you all,
May you stand proud and tall,
As you decide for yourselves ‘Nae or Aye!’

I wish the Scots the best of luck in their moment of self-determination.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk
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Give a man a Fish (and feed him for a day!)…

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ResultsI am fed up with time-wasting sales calls. However at least they can be dealt with in the appropriate manner. What is more disturbing is the rise in offensive E-mail phishing.
Recently I had no less than seven results for a blood test I’d never had. The ‘doctors’ (Dr Livingston Samuel, Dr Avery Carly, Dr Griffin Sylvia, Dr Puckett Palmer, Dr Boyd Mamie, Dr Welch Houston and Dr Harmon Claudia), all suggested I had cancer. Had I been awaiting real results, this news might have caused real trauma and stress. It is time to stop the callous bastards behind these scams. Unfortunately there is no political will to act because we have such slovenly and useless politicians. Somewhere, money is being well spent in training computer skills…

Give a man a fish,
and feed him for a day,
He may just stay moderate,
not fight the USA!

But teach him how to phish,
With all computer skills,
You’ll feed him for a lifetime,
as he sells fake erectile pills!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale is now closed for the winter
returning for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
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Busy Diggers!

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busy diggersThere has never been a better time to own a digger! Everywhere you look buildings are being torn down to make way for new homes. However nobody seems to have given much thought to where the incomers will work, where their children will learn, or how the services (gas water electricity) will cope with the extra demand. It doesn’t seem to matter so long as the diggers are busy…

Out with the old
In with the new
that old warehouse
is spoiling the view!

We’ll erect a new houses
or a nice block of flats
charge fantastic rents
to foreign ex-pats!

And then in a while
to a different town
start building again
and rip this lot down!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
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Some Folks Are Never Satisfied!

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A&E cubicleOne of the joys of life is that we have no idea what is on the menu for tomorrow. This is probably a very good thing! Yesterday morning I thought I was ahead of the game and started to have a relaxing Friday. Little did I know…

Sitting in the office, contemplating playing Patience,
When there was a call, my father was now a patient.
Was about to leave, make a rush to A&E,
When I notice my beloved I-Phone, had no signal I could see.
I spoke to ‘customer service’ my patience sorely tested,
Wishing I’d checked before, not left my phone untested!
Arrived at the hospital, to hear lots of complaining,
About time wasted waiting, even though outside it’s raining!
A disgruntled poorly patient complains for all to hear,
“I’m not going in any waiting room this side of next year!”
I suggested that he enjoyed, this remarkable stroke of luck,
That he wasn’t in America, where first they ask for buck!
And then and only then, would treatment start,
Where here they are already, monitoring his heart!
So here’s to the NHS, of which we oft complain,
If you don’t like it, tough, you should go and catch a plane!

Written in the A&E department of a local hospital where all I could hear was complaining, while all around doctors and nurses dashed too and fro treating the sick. We should be thankful for the availability of treatment for all, provided by the NHS.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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