The Table Turns!

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Euro Medals RioNow the Games are over in Rio it is back to ‘business as normal’. At some stage the post-Brexit talks will begin and our negotiators will have to be in gold-medal form to beat those who would see us marginalised. Perhaps they should put the above aide-memoire into their pockets just to spur them on at vital moments…

When in a negotiating stance,
With Euro nations (including France!)
The Brexiteers must show much care.
As they sit across the table,
Aloof they should be able,
To look across the divide and be aware,
that despite what others say,
If we have our way,
Show we are a nation that is nearly always fair,
But if they come over ‘continental’
and drive us all quite mental,
We should get out this little chart and compare,
How it was down in Rio,
with water sports we show no fear-o!
And thank heavens the dividing Channel is still there!

With congratulations to all our athletes who made us proud and left the door ajar to prove that we might, just might, be a stronger nation now.

© Baldock Bard 2016
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E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
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Every Saturday
April – October 2016

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Keep Calm and Carry On!

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keepcalmWe have nobody to blame anymore! In the past we always had the default fall-back scapegoat for all our national ills: ‘It’s the EU’s fault!’. Following the monumental decision on Thursday, the only piece of common sense I’ve heard is: Ignore the media, switch off the broadband, enjoy your weekend and start afresh on Monday when the dust has settled…

Keep calm and carry on,
enjoy the weekend,
for as far as I know,
the world won’t end.
Have a barbecue,
enjoy the sun,
meet old friends,
have some fun!
If a friend voted,
a different way,
that’s their right,
uphold it I say!

Ignore the media, switch off the broadband, enjoy your weekend and let’s all start afresh on Monday when the dust has settled. You could always visit a car boot sale!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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A New Dawn!

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The prophets of doom are out in force after the referendum results have signalled our exit from the EU. Had our deaf liberal political elite recognised the elephant in the room and allowed a full and frank discussion on immigration, then the result might have been quite different. However the result stands and we will survive…

Turn off the media and calm down,
all is not lost in countryside or town.
Remember the Seventies a three day week,
we thought it was the end the future was bleak.
Despite what’s been said by German politicians,
To lose the UK markets would be bad decisions,
Aldii and Lidl, car makers as well,
want to be here with products to sell.
So lets take a breather neither berate, argue or shout,
the electorate has spoken and we’re now out.

Here’s wishing you luck for the future. I have a feeling it won’t be as bad as it looks right now. Please remember you need an undertaker only once in your life, but a farmer three times a day! Unfortunately it was French and German governments, through valuing their farmers, that gave the sort of support to UK farmers that our politicians never will.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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In Europe By Accident!

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BelgumYesterday morning I drove up the drive to collect my granddaughter to take her to nursery school. Something about the sat-nav was very wrong. I was 35 miles north of London, yet it had me driving down a street in Belgium! Within minutes it was welcoming me back to Britain, complete with Union Flag…

My car thinks I live in Brussels,
not near Baldock town,
Driving up Kerstenmannekensstrasse
I take a look around!
It all looks very familiar,
if we remain in will it change?
If we leave will my sat-nav,
find Brussels out of range!
When I wake tomorrow morning,
will we still be afloat?
I’d better face Belgium’s traffic,
and get out to vote!

Have a good day, I’m so looking forward to the day when the politicians slither back under the stone where many of them belong.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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VIP Flypast!

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Stop!Yesterday I went to London to scoop an elderly relative off the train at Paddington Station. Just before the Lord’s Cricket Ground there was a commotion behind us, police outriders stopped the traffic, blew whistles and held back vehicles and pedestrians as four unmarked cars, with blacked-out windows, swept past at speed…

Police stop all the traffic,
VIP coming through,
must be so important,
not for me or you!

The police motorcycle outriders,
swarm at the traffic lights,
whistle and shout, “you can’t come out!”
suspended ‘ooman rights!

I wonder who’s so important,
to be rushed through in this way
I’m glad it’s not me needs security,
I’ll quietly be on my way!

I wish you happy travelling without hold-ups (especially today, Roger and Joanna flying back to Hobart). Safe journey to you all, even if you’re just walking down to the shops! 

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Slippery When Wet!

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SlipperySo the great debate has started, are we in or are we out? To be quite honest I’m bored already by aloof, slippery and untrustworthy politicians telling me what’s best for me. Like all institutions, the EU (or whatever it’s called these days), has good and bad for us all. Unfortunately many trillion more words are about to assault our ears…

Some say “stay in,”
some say “stay out,”
until June 23rd,
they’ll argue and shout.
Have they forgotten,
I think it’s true,
the final decision,
is up to me and you!

With apologies to my international readers for such a local topic, I’ll try my best not to mention it again! Have a peaceful week and ‘nil illegitimi carborundum’ ! 

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

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Daffodils in December!

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December DaffsYesterday Mrs Bard and I went to see my elderly father. He had been busy, preparing smoked salmon, fresh fruit salad and mince pies. However, just before our arrival, he’d been to a sheltered part of his garden and picked some flowering daffodils! This is a time for panic, run for the hills…

There are Daffs in December,
we need an answer NOW!
We’re all much more intelligent,
must be a ‘What?’ or ‘How?’

Set up an enquiry!
Consultants by the score!
Lease an expensive building,
and then employ some more!

The enquiry takes two years,
millions it has cost,
any agreed outcomes,
unfortunately lost!

Before we all panic,
we should perhaps remember,
a mild and wet winter,
may bring Daffodils in December!

There is an upside! my late-drilled wheat looks like it will feed even more mouths thanks to the mild weather.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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An Intolerant Society?

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When did we become such an intolerant society? I always thought that the greatest cornerstone of our society was the freedom of expression. I was obviously wrong. The words spoken publicly by American Presidential Candidate Donald Trump are both immoral and an affront to common decency. One way to deal with an idiot such as Trump is to starve him of the oxygen of publicity he so desperately craves. There are those in our world who would see him gagged, excluded and possibly worse. Surely they are not claiming to be liberal-minded people?

There are those in some countries,
who are not allowed to speak,
their minds,
except behind closed doors,
in frightened whispers.

They dream of a time,
when they can stand in a public place
and shout to the world.

If I don’t like what someone has said,
I am free to use my freedom to oppose.

However,
if I speak about curbing expression…
I am no longer free,
and those who seek to abolish simple freedoms…
have Won.

In ‘The Friends of Voltaire’, Evelyn Beatrice Hall wrote: “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it”

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

 

 

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Shoot to Kill Policy

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Shoot to KillThere is much talk in the wake of the Paris attacks about ‘what, if and how’ a similar outrage would be treated on London streets. Debate is good, however it is not the time to have reasonable discussion. Here on the farm we are not allowed to have rats. Following a poison control failure I have had to introduce a ‘shoot to kill’ policy…

I taped a torch to my gun,
and went to where the rats do run,
no rodent rights in my head,
my only aim to shoot them dead.
One appeared gave me the finger,
not much longer did it linger,
I raised the gun loosed off a round,
a rodent terrorist fell to the ground.
No debate neither fun,
just an action that had to be done.

We should fully support our police and armed forces who risk their lives allowing us to sleep safely in our comfortable beds.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The 5p Plastic bag!

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Plastic bagsSo now we have to pay for plastic bags. In this age where we are all supposed to be more liberal it is obligatory to raise a cheer for aquatic wildlife everywhere. Quite how my Baldock-collected plastic bag finds its way to the sea I’m uncertain. I can just hope that other countries have similar rules. However I welcome the charge…

Five pence for a plastic bag,
the best bargain I’ve ever had!
I took my own shopping yesterday,
just so I didn’t have to pay!
But the greatest result this far,
I’ll use those bags that litter my car.
And even better no more snags,
when I attempt to open those bloody bags!
Weak and pathetic I know I am,
plastic bags defeat me, I’m only a man!

Quite why the Nanny State had to introduce this when certain shops had already introduced the charge without legislation I don’t know. Well done M&S! 

© Baldock Bard 2015

For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk


The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

www.u-boot.co.uk

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