The Food Bank

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ShoppersRecently the press has published comments by the Archbishop of Canterbury who thinks that food bank funding is the responsibility of government. It has opened a whole can of worms. Much of the argument is now firmly based on political agendas with the hungry families relegated to the sidelines. I feel that something has been missed from the argument. Maybe I’m just being too simplistic…

Thank Heavens for the Food Bank
When food some can’t afford,
Charity should begin at home,
Rather than abroad.

…Let’s just thank those wonderful volunteers who run this remarkable service and continue to donate wherever and whenever we can.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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They Think It’s Over…!

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UJAt last the referendum is over, until the next time! We still have a United Kingdom, the moon is still up there, tigers didn’t escape from the zoo and blue and white is now yesterday’s colour. So back to normal chaps, as quick as you can…

Moving swiftly on,
It’s back to normal,
I knew yesterday,
I’m paranormal!

It’s time for the news,
To turn away,
And point their cameras,
Another way!

And those in Whitehall,
Will decide,
How to tell Scotland,
They lied about the bribe!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
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Scotland Will Decide!

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SaltireFollowing complaints from news organisations that they were running out of decent footage, all our political masters have abandoned Westminster to head North to Scotland today. It is rumoured that bribes-for-votes are the order of the day while the rest of the United Kingdom stifles a yawn…

One week from today,
If the Scots have their way,
The one word may be ‘goodbye!’
Both sides offer a land,
If it goes as they’ve planned,
Of ‘Whiskey and Porridge, Och Aye!’
But we all know,
How promises go,
Disappear in the wink of an eye!
So here’s to you all,
May you stand proud and tall,
As you decide for yourselves ‘Nae or Aye!’

I wish the Scots the best of luck in their moment of self-determination.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk
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Give a man a Fish (and feed him for a day!)…

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ResultsI am fed up with time-wasting sales calls. However at least they can be dealt with in the appropriate manner. What is more disturbing is the rise in offensive E-mail phishing.
Recently I had no less than seven results for a blood test I’d never had. The ‘doctors’ (Dr Livingston Samuel, Dr Avery Carly, Dr Griffin Sylvia, Dr Puckett Palmer, Dr Boyd Mamie, Dr Welch Houston and Dr Harmon Claudia), all suggested I had cancer. Had I been awaiting real results, this news might have caused real trauma and stress. It is time to stop the callous bastards behind these scams. Unfortunately there is no political will to act because we have such slovenly and useless politicians. Somewhere, money is being well spent in training computer skills…

Give a man a fish,
and feed him for a day,
He may just stay moderate,
not fight the USA!

But teach him how to phish,
With all computer skills,
You’ll feed him for a lifetime,
as he sells fake erectile pills!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale is now closed for the winter
returning for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
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Busy Diggers!

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busy diggersThere has never been a better time to own a digger! Everywhere you look buildings are being torn down to make way for new homes. However nobody seems to have given much thought to where the incomers will work, where their children will learn, or how the services (gas water electricity) will cope with the extra demand. It doesn’t seem to matter so long as the diggers are busy…

Out with the old
In with the new
that old warehouse
is spoiling the view!

We’ll erect a new houses
or a nice block of flats
charge fantastic rents
to foreign ex-pats!

And then in a while
to a different town
start building again
and rip this lot down!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk
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Some Folks Are Never Satisfied!

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A&E cubicleOne of the joys of life is that we have no idea what is on the menu for tomorrow. This is probably a very good thing! Yesterday morning I thought I was ahead of the game and started to have a relaxing Friday. Little did I know…

Sitting in the office, contemplating playing Patience,
When there was a call, my father was now a patient.
Was about to leave, make a rush to A&E,
When I notice my beloved I-Phone, had no signal I could see.
I spoke to ‘customer service’ my patience sorely tested,
Wishing I’d checked before, not left my phone untested!
Arrived at the hospital, to hear lots of complaining,
About time wasted waiting, even though outside it’s raining!
A disgruntled poorly patient complains for all to hear,
“I’m not going in any waiting room this side of next year!”
I suggested that he enjoyed, this remarkable stroke of luck,
That he wasn’t in America, where first they ask for buck!
And then and only then, would treatment start,
Where here they are already, monitoring his heart!
So here’s to the NHS, of which we oft complain,
If you don’t like it, tough, you should go and catch a plane!

Written in the A&E department of a local hospital where all I could hear was complaining, while all around doctors and nurses dashed too and fro treating the sick. We should be thankful for the availability of treatment for all, provided by the NHS.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk
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The World Needs Experts (like a fish needs a hair straightener)

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Over the ShoulderHave you ever been doing a job when a voice from behind you says: “I wouldn’t have done it like that!” At present every politician who has ever held office is complaining about a former Prime Minister’s comments regarding Iraq. Now I have never been a fan of the former PM, but his comments have given others a golden opportunity to say: “I wouldn’t have done it like that” from over his shoulder…

The men look over the shoulder,
Of the one doing the job,
They’re busy with advice,
While he wishes they’d just shut their gob!
“Why don’t you,” and “If I were you,”
The phrases that they most use,
Not noticing that the man doing,
Takes no notice of their views!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
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The Impact of Last Years Words!

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WordsAs with any year, words played a great part in 2013. However one person showed how important it is to have even a smattering of understanding when there is a translator doing the talking…

Imagine if…
During an important meeting,
Where let’s say, missiles are the topic,
The translator translating to a president the words of the president opposite,
Suddenly whispers:
“Oh, and by the way, he likes the way you’ve done your hair this morning and asks if you fancy going up to his suite for a coffee later?”
When in truth the president the other side of the table had said:
“I can see no way forward in reducing medium range missiles as you won’t reduce your long range rockets”
Or…
The unsuccessful job applicant who uses a free internet translation service that turns ‘yours sincerely’ into ‘your mother has the knees of a chicken and your sister the tongue of a snake!’
Or…
If Thamsanqa Jantjie, when ‘signing’ at the memorial service for Nelson Mandela had translated President Obamas speech as “Blah, Blah, Blah, Elephant, Giraffe, tiger, Lion!”
I think Mandela would have smiled.
If reports of his sense of humour are true, perhaps he smiled anyway!
JantjieHere’s wishing you and yours health and happiness in 2014…
…and watch those words!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale is now closed for the winter
returning for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Reinforcing Stereotypical Preconceptions!

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Derelict BuildingIt’s strange that when we travel abroad we search for scenes that suit our preconceptions. Recently I had to travel abroad. I have never been behind the former Iron Curtain and so was not surprised to see a stereotypical image. This justified my preconceptions and I had to take a photo, I think it suited my purposes well…

There’s dereliction in the suburbs,
Was looking for horse and cart!
When I spied an derelict building,
Certainly not a work of art!

The translator was upset,
With my phone I took a shot,
She told me, “not representative,”
A phrase I very soon forgot.

But when I returned to my country,
It was with embarrassment I fear,
That when I looked around about me,
I found those buildings over here!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

FacebookBaldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale is now closed for the winter
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Telephone Scamming Scum!

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old foneAn elderly man I know well had a call from a ‘nice man at the bank’. The Octogenarian followed all the instructions he was given and posted off his debit card. He had been scammed by scum. It’s time our lawmakers and society in general stopped being so soft on such hate crime. We do not tolerate child abuse, ethnic abuse or abuse against GLBT in this country but seem to turn our backs on crime against the elderly…

A ‘nice man from the bank’,
Rang with some news,
My debit card needed changing,
Was worn out with being used!
If he sent an envelope,
Could I please send it back,
Then he’d send me a new one,
And that would be just that!
I did what he told me to,
Then alarm bells started to ring,
But the ‘nice man from the bank’,
Would take care of everything!
The following week I was card-less,
The ‘nice man from the bank’ was gone,
They drained my account most efficiently,
And now I feel so wrong.
How could I have been so stupid,
Am I losing it at eighty-five?
The nice man from the bank was so plausible,
I feel stupid, myself I deride.
I have now lost my confidence,
I don’t know who to trust,
The lawmakers have forgotten me,
I’m elderly and my account is bust.

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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