Pondering!

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We have a very old stone bench in the garden. It’s nothing special, but sometimes it catches the sun and being out of the wind, is a great place to ponder. Saturday was one of those rare April days when it was both dry and warm. I did some tidying up in the garden and then sat with two dogs to ponder…

I was pondering on the bench,
should I mow?
Should I risk it?
The two dogs sat with me,
all they wanted was a biscuit!

May you find time to ponder sometime during the hustle and bustle of you week

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14
thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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Walking Like a Reality Star!

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Yesterday I found myself in ‘School-mode’ forty-four years since I last sat behind a desk. I was sitting at my laptop, thinking empty thoughts and staring out of the window! In the distance a Canada goose walked towards the wood and just for a split second I had a vision of a famous reality-rear…

She twerks like a reality-star,
as she walks away,
her hips take on a life of their own,
as they begin to sway.
She always looks back,
to make sure we can see,
as if she’s teasing us:
“Look at me, look at me, look at me!”

…and then dazzled by her star quality, I grabbed the camera and headed towards the wood to capture a picture of her in all her glory!
I was duped and she was papped!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14
thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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No-Egg Easter!

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I am constantly amazed when meeting fellow diabetics. Many of them seem to only pay attention to their diets just before they are due an ‘all-seeing’ blood test. Having been told at the outset last May by a specialist: ‘if you don’t change your diet, the next time we meet I’ll cut off your legs’, was enough of an incentive for me (even with chocolate)…

My first Easter without chocolate,
since becoming diabetic last May,
all food has to be considered,
if well I’m going to stay.

My one big treat over Easter,
a mini hot cross bun,
I savoured every mouthful,
but only ate the one.

Of course I missed the chocolate,
untouched eggs on the shelf,
but the only one I’d have cheated,
would have been myself.

Before I’m accused of ‘Halo-polishing’ it must be remembered that my Type-2 was self-inflicted through my addiction to soft drinks and sweet things. Despite having a ‘bit-of-the-ex-smoker’ about me, I was left with little choice.
Have a great week and enjoy all that left over chocolate!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

 

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Mum’s Exclusive Taxi!

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Some months ago a friend asked ‘If I could be given any car in the world what would I choose?’ Apparently he had always yearned for a Mustang! I had more boring yearnings, a Tesla! As I was driving through a local town last week I spotted one dropping kids off at school…

Tessa drives a Tesla,
to take the kids to school,
glides up to the pavement,
Thinks “Wow! This car is cool!”

The gull-wing doors rise open.
out the children climb,
as if they’re both time-travellers,
to arrive at school on time.

Dad works in the City,
he goes up to town by train,
by the time that he gets home at night,
the kids are asleep again.

Tessa does a lot of driving,
she thinks her life is cruel,
she does so many miles each week,
she’s grateful there’s no fuel.

On Fridays Suzy has ballet,
Colin plays in a Junior Band,
she’s the only mum whose ‘taxi’,
cost over a hundred grand!

On second thoughts I’ll stick with what I’ve got as knowing my luck I’d be the first person to be stuck on the side of the motorway with a truly ‘Flat Battery!’ Whatever you drive, do it safely today and always. BB

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

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On Dover Beach 2018

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Sometimes I get to read poetry written by proper poets. Observing the depth and meaning of their writing, I feel as if I’m standing staring at a puddle when an unseen ocean laps the shore in front of me. The other day I read ‘Dover Beach’ published in 1867 by famous poet Mathew Arnold (1822-1888) As I was in East Kent at the end of last week, I decided to look up Dover Beach for myself and see what I’d make of it…

Of Dover Beach there was no sign,
nothing poetic, nothing to rhyme.

A vast expanse of modern concrete,
wind-blown sea-spray as cold as sleet.
In the distance cross-channel ferries,
jostle for position like adversaries,
shuttling off to Northern France,
choreographed as a giant’s first dance.

On Calais beach looking out to sea,
two dark eyes stare back at me,
across from France asylum’s waiting,
so near but far and so frustrating,
her child was drowned in the Aegean Sea,
through a fog of tears she can’t see me.

I was disappointed by Dover Beach,
that so many give their all to reach,
instead of saying “What the f**k”
perhaps I should just count my luck.

If only I had thought and tried,
I should have known it was high tide!

Obviously written with apologies to Matthew Arnold© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

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The Orbiting Tesla

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I have a sneaking regard for Elon Musk. Not only does he produce one of the worlds most-wanted and ground-breaking range of cars and space rockets, but he has the genius of putting the two together and creating one of the greatest-ever publicity stunts…

I took my Tesla to the stores,
in the car park feeling aloof,
the throttle stuck,
I shouted “F***!”
as I flew right off the roof!

I found myself up in orbit,
floating gently, in space (all alone),
“this is Major Tom!”
‘That Song’ on and on,
as I passed by I waved to home.

The conspiracy theorists on earth,
say I’m really not here,
I’m in my car,
rather be in a bar,
with down-to-earth friends and a beer!

*picture thanks to SpaceX and media outlets worldwide.
© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

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Farmers Gone Green!

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The other day a visitor to the farm looked at the large heap of used one-ton fertilizer bags in the shed and asked whether I had a very large dustbin! I explained that once a year those nice people from re-cycling firm Kelshall Plastics come to take them away…

Many years ago
in the days when
‘Going Green’
meant going to look at crops,
we’d go fertilizer spreading,
with 50kg bags
which we loaded by hand
into the spreader.
As for getting rid of the bags
we were armed with a disposal system:
It fitted neatly in a pocket,
and was called a box of matches.
In later years
when the bags
became much larger
we used a JCB Loadall
to lift the bags
and matches were banned
as we were now
“Gone Green!’
So once a year,
we load the bags onto a truck
and off they go
to be recycled
into something more useful
than a small bonfire
at the side of the field.
© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

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January ‘Flu!

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For some days now, along apparently with a cast of many thousands, I am responsible for putting the NHS under ‘intolerable strain’. Quite how certain sections of the media can say this when the NHS hasn’t been notified of my ailment, I’m not sure. Perhaps they are supposed to know through magical ways or the bugs in my system are reporting back!

I’ve had this bad affliction,
for a number of days,
my nose has run the marathon,
in a thousand ways!

With a throat that feels like sandpaper,
along with a ticklish cough,
too week to even consider,
that I could work it off!

I know if I were female,
with so much I should do,
I’d have no excuse at all,
wouldn’t get this ‘Old Man-Flu’!

If you too are suffering you have my utmost sympathy. Hope you’re back on full power soon!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

 

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Limited Edition Beer!

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I had spent quite some time in the beer aisle looking for my favourite tipple. Just as I was about to make myself look an idiot in front of an assistant, I spotted the camouflaged packs of cans announcing ‘Limited Edition!’ How stupid of me not to realise that a limited edition should lead to an immediate must-have! Imagine my ‘Fools disappointment’ when what was poured into the glass proved to be exactly the same as from a non-limited edition can…

The can has a lobster on a white background,
a limited edition on the shelf can be found,
open the can and you’ve broken the spell,
”That’s not going to be thrown into recycling as well?”
I lifted the glass to my thirsty lips,
savoured the nectar white-moustached dips!
Very soon the beer was gone away,
getting more limited edition every day!

Cheer’s! A little of what you fancy does you no harm!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

 

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The Artist’s Gallery!

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Whenever you walk into someones house for the first time, you can almost always tell if they have small children or grandchildren from the artwork displayed in the kitchen. Secondly you can roughly guess the age by the quality and assortment displayed. I’ve always thought it is a vital part of parenting and natural support for a child, although is possibly frowned upon in this modern age of Nanny-State demanding that ‘Everyone’s a Winner!’ Our kitchen has hosted exhibitions down the ages…

Most famous artists,
from whatever ‘school’,
held their first exhibitions,
on a kitchen wall.
Whether England, Holland,
The States or France,
supported by parents,
or uncles or aunts.
And some progressed,
to a better thing,
glorious landscapes,
even Campbell’s soup tin!
On our wall,
(as we oughta!),
artistic progress,
from our granddaughter!

…and I’m keeping them, you never know!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com


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