Jim Hits The Deck!

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Jim ReevesClearing up after the car boot sale the other day I came across a discarded item from a stall. There, abandoned and unloved, lay Jim Reeves. How are the mighty fallen, from Top of the Pops to abandoned at Boot Sale…

A Jim Reeves sleeve hits the deck,
an aged lady says “By Heck!”
but Jim just lies upon the grass,
out of favour his time did pass.
I realise I may be wrong,
can’t remember a Jim Reeves song.
The housewives’ choice from years ago,
now thrown away that’s how it go.
Unfortunately there’s no way back,
As he slips inside the refuse sack.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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Fire-pit Tales!

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FirepitOne of the great pleasures of early-summer evenings is sitting around a fire-pit after a good barbecue and telling tales. Recently, after a particularly good evening, something was left behind…

A group of friends sat round a fire-pit,
Late one summers eve,
Telling tales of daring-do,
Most that you wouldn’t believe.

As the bottles emptied,
And some began to fade,
A gentle trickle off to bed,
‘Till only one had stayed.

On the following morning,
Still sitting on his seat,
The old man shook his head and said,
“Did I fall asleep?”

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October

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www.u-boot.co.uk

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Moss-Killer Not Required!

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J1738Having lived in the same house for thirty-odd years, the concept of moving is alien to me. However, much to the relief of removal companies, cardboard box manufacturers and suppliers of that strange brown tape, others move with a frequency that leads to their entry in address books being in pencil…

Our friends are on the move again!
Somewhere that’ll be near the train.
The address change comes by internet,
Must make a note before I forget.
By relocating to a brand new town,
They’re trying to cut their contacts down?
They’ll have to try a little bit more,
To shake me off, I know the score!
They may be cunning but me-thinks,
I’ll invite myself to the house-warming drinks!

*Also, I happen to know of a rather good car boot sale where disposal of unwanted items can be of great pleasure to those who relocate!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October

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www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Sea Bass Twins!

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Sea Bass TwinsMy grand-daughter and I were standing at a fish counter the other day when we noticed some twins. Lying on ice on a hot day seemed an attractive proposition and they looked as if they were enjoying themselves by the broad grins on their faces. However looks can be deceptive…

Fish A and Fish B,
Were far from the sea,
On a very hot day in June.
Fish A said “it’s nice,
To be resting on ice,
I hope we’re not chosen too soon!”

“Look at those folk,
it must be a joke,
In this heat they may possibly swoon!”
Fish B with a fin,
Comforted him,
Knowing they would be chosen by noon!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October

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Thinking Of You!

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PC 05061915While looking for a photo for this morning’s blog I came across a photo I took of a postcard that someone bought at the car boot sale last year. It was posted exactly a hundred years ago this week and conveys a sentiment that wouldn’t go amiss right now. However the actions of the subject would be frowned upon today and the postcard would banned from sale…

We should all take a moment,
In train or car or bus,
To consider someone’s day,
That is, apart from us.

Who do we know that is happy?
Do we know someone who’s sad?
Do we know someone whose life is good,
Or someone whose times are bad?

Take this postcard from long ago,
and perhaps do as I’ve said,
But please remember it’s dangerous,
To smile while smoking in bed!

I’m thinking of YOU at BALDOCK! Wishing you an enjoyable Thursday, may your day bring many smiles!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October

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A Valuable Lesson!

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New Berry FruitsIf you had read yesterday’s Bard-verse you’d have discovered that it was my wedding anniversary. Amongst other things, Mrs Bard gave me some soft-centered sweets to remind me of a night of shame. We’ve all had them, however mine was the night we met…

As many a young person is apt to do,
One night I had a drink or two!
It was my birthday, I’m ashamed to say,
And I had drunk the day away.
Late at night, collapsed over a wall,
I wasn’t feeling well at all!
I was dragged back to a student flat,
And in the morning there ‘she’ sat.
Feeling groggy I combed the streets,
In order to buy her special treats.
I’d bought her a box of New Berry Fruit,
Her face showed me, something’s don’t suit.
I’d learnt a lesson above all other,
Not all girls are like your mother!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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19th May 1979

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AnniversaryOn the 19th of May 1979 I got married in a chapel in a little village in South Wales. I remember being surprised that anyone would want to become Mrs Bard and even more surprised when she said “I do!”. In the thirty-six years since then I remain surprised every anniversary when I wake and she’s still there. When people say “I wouldn’t change a thing” I know what they mean…

If someone asked me,
What’s the secret to life?
I’d say without hesitation:
A wonderful wife.

And if they asked,
What, a good partnership makes,
I’d say: Laugh, Love,
Give and Take.

…but most of all simple old-fashioned friendship!
Mrs Bard deserves a medal for putting up with me for all these years!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October

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www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Silver and the Blonde!

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Old mans CarI remember many years ago watching an old man climb out of a Rosso-red Ferrari in Baldock High Steet. As a late-teenager the young blonde passenger almost stole my envious glances away from the car! The other day I followed a silver Lamborghini into the town. I have often wanted to ask a young lady passenger: “and what attracted you to this 84 year-old, multi-billionaire” but of course the answer is obvious, the car…

The old man drives,
a silver Lamborghini,
Cruising the streets of Monaco,
to attract a slim bikini.
She’ll have to do as she’s told,
To be his ‘Little Queenie!’
She’ll be a Vodka with Red Bull,
To his old-man-stirred Martini!

… He’s welcome to it! Old farmers prefer large tractors and fat calves!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Distant Kettle!

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wifi KettleThe age of the smartphone has brought with it many useful side-effects. I have a socket in the house whereby I can turn on a light for the dogs if I’m running late. There are view-at-distance cameras whereby you can discover if those same dogs wear your smoking jacket, lounge on the best chairs eating your finest chocolates and watch Jeremy Kyle on afternoon telly in your absence. Yesterday I came across an unusual must-have App-controlled gadget…

I thought I’d seen most things in life,
I thought I’d seen it all,
But I realise I’ve been blinded,
Have seen nothing smart at all.
There on a shelf in Currys,
A wifi kettle (comes in blue!),
I said the the assistant:
“whatever does it do!”
“You download an App,
Then wherever you find you are,
You can turn on the kettle,
Whether you are near or far!”
“Gosh that will be useful,”
I exclaimed tongue in cheek,
“I can have boiling water here at home
When I’m on holiday next week!”

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Grandpa’s mower!

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Grandad's MowerYesterday afternoon I watched an old man walking in the park pushing a three-wheeled walking-aid. It looked just as if he was mowing grass. Later on he could be seen walking back towards his home. I was impressed by his vigour, as during that whole time I’d not moved from my deckchair.

Every morning Grandpa goes for a walk,
gives him exercise, chance for a talk,
to others who’re taking their constitution,
an aged no-gym pensioner solution.

He pushes his three wheeler, he calls his lawnmower,
doesn’t need emptying, but gives him a blower,
when he gets back, with colourful cheeks,
he brews a cuppa, not felt better for weeks.

We mustn’t joke or laugh at his gait,
for we’ll soon be his age, not long to wait,
and if I reach ninety, heaven knows how,
I hope I’m as fit as he is now!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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