New Month New Weather!

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rainSo July is finally here! Not really sure whether we’ve just had June or October! It must have been one of the wettest Junes on record, I certainly can’t remember such a long spell of such disappointing weather for many years. July can’t possibly be as bad…

Pinch, Punch, the first of the month!
No returns, rabbits and hares.
We’ve had enough rain to last us now,
soaking circuses, sodden fairs!
If the latest forecast shows only showers,
and there’s no sign of rain or hail,
grab the kids jump in the car,
and visit Baldock’s car boot sale!

I know you were expecting something better for my 1,300th blog, but sometimes life is like that! Have a great day, the weekend is just around the corner!

BONUS VERSE! 1,300 blogs away I wrote:
Mary had an electric bill,
couldn’t believe her eyes!
Took a pitch at our bootsale,
now her house seems twice the size!

Still one of my favourites!
Best wishes and an enormous ‘thank you’ to all my readers.
Without you there I wouldn’t be here!
Baldock Bard!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale

SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Wholesale Beans!

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Windy Cans (1)There are times in our daily lives when, in hindsight, we could describe as being, “you know, like, the same-ish!” It is like that fourth cup of coffee that you’re drinking; not because you’re thirsty, or need that caffeine kick, or being sociable, it was just there! However, like suppertime when you just don’t know what you would like, there’s always the default position of baked beans…

Trying to think of what to say,
in my little verse today,
I considered writing about the news,
but it is gloomy and just views.
Of course the weather caught my eye,
but you don’t want to see a farmer cry!
I searched for a topic that was not there,
so ended up with much hot air!

Have a great weekend, full of happiness and shared with someone you love.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until the end of October

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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19th May 1979

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AnniversaryOn the 19th of May 1979 I got married in a chapel in a little village in South Wales. I remember being surprised that anyone would want to become Mrs Bard and even more surprised when she said “I do!”. In the thirty-six years since then I remain surprised every anniversary when I wake and she’s still there. When people say “I wouldn’t change a thing” I know what they mean…

If someone asked me,
What’s the secret to life?
I’d say without hesitation:
A wonderful wife.

And if they asked,
What, a good partnership makes,
I’d say: Laugh, Love,
Give and Take.

…but most of all simple old-fashioned friendship!
Mrs Bard deserves a medal for putting up with me for all these years!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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1001st Blog Posting!

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1001On the 29th of February 2012, I posted a verse on my new blog site under the pen name Baldock Bard. Someone said “Ha! Bet you can’t write a thousand!” Today, this very morning is my 1001st posting. In that time over 155,000 people have viewed my verse and worse. Thank you all for your support of a simple farmer from Baldock UK who happens to write a blog…

1001 cleans a big big carpet,
Or so they used to say.
It now means a blog from the Baldock Bard,
Or so it does today!
So many thanks to readers,
Dotted around the world,
Without your support and following,
No celebratory flag unfurled!

With 1001 thanks to all of you, see you next time!
1001posts
© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Running On Empty!

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JamIt’s National Poetry Day, a day when we celebrate one of the few arts that is almost invisible to the vast majority! Some years ago I mistakenly sent a poem to a national competition. It sank without trace! The following year I was a little more successful, until one year I was runner-up in the local round of a national competition. Unfortunately I was beaten into second place by a seven-year-old girl – Oh the indignity of losing to a verse about a pet hamster! The verse wot I rote has been lost to the mists of time. So to celebrate such an important day I bring you another of my loss leaders…

‘NEXT SERVICES 15 MILES’
Sign passed at speed
Low fuel warning light demands attention
Gauge reading ‘Empty’
Ponder important questions
Cut speed in effort to add miles?
Or increase speed to reach fuel quicker?
Did I renew breakdown insurance?
Do they sell petrol cans at filling stations?
Will I be fuel-less in mobile phone blackspot?
Do I leave motorway and search unknown towns for fuel?
Do I risk running out on side road?
Switch on radio
Pray for traffic report not to mention heavy traffic ahead
Catch traffic report closing jingle
Switch off radio
Traffic increasing
Contra-flow starts
Herd of heavy lorries ahead crawling up Everest sized hill
Can feel fuel lines sucking every last drop
‘SERVICES 1 MILE’
Pat pocket for wallet
Countdown to exit begins
///
//
/
Not far now
Drive round endless loop road to reach fuel pumps
Past Car Park
Past Coach Park
Past HCV Parking
At last!
The pumps
Pull up beside pump number 3
Stop engine
Relief
Fill car
Enter shop
Fill basket with drinks, sweets, sandwiches
Two magazines I’d not normally buy
And petrol can!
Pay £76.28 for petrol
£29.85 for other goods
Drive away
Rejoin motorway
Pass man walking on hard shoulder with can
“Silly Sod!”

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above


The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
Twenty-one years and still selling!
FREE parking and entry for all buyers, princesses, dogs and aliens!
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook
: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

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9-11 An Unforgettable Moment in Time

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Can you remember where you were on 9-11? Mrs Bard was collecting our daughter from school (it was mid-afternoon in the UK) and my son, David, called me from my office: “come and see these pictures of an plane hitting one of the Twin Towers in New York”. I reached the sitting room just in time to see the second plane, behind the Sky correspondents back, turn and make it’s way into the second tower.
The picture above was recently posted on Reddit with the caption: ‘The final picture of my cousin Gary – taken on September 11, 2001’.
That week (September 14th 2001) I published the following verse in the local paper. How well it fits the photo…

Dedicated to Emergency Crews around the world and all those who have sacrificed their lives in the call of duty to save others.

They walk towards danger,
When we run away.
They answer our calls,
Both by night and by day.
Whether Moslem or Christian,
Doesn’t matter to them.
They’d risk their lives,
Then do it again.
How do we thank them,
For the risks that they take?
Cost cutting measures,
Small savings to make.
After events in New York,
What have we learned?
To value them all,
Give them the credit they’ve earned.

All efforts have been made to trace the copyright holder of the photo without success.  

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

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Ladies who Lunch!

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In all the years I have attempted to write verse, I have only once stood up in front of an audience. This was in November 2003 at an ‘Open Mike’ session at the highly acclaimed Aldeburgh Poetry Festival in Suffolk. I chose this verse as it was my favourite. It still is and I thought I’d share it with you…

In the playground they usher their kids through the door,
“We must do lunch – let’s meet at ‘The Store?’”
Not a hair out of place, (it wouldn’t dare!)
Mandy arrives to do lunch with friend Clare.

She parks the Mercedes (silver of course),
Dismisses attendants that’s par for the course!
With her nose in the air she waits by the door,
For it to be opened that’s what others are for!

She shrieks recognition from at least twenty yards,
Staff dive for cover (including the guards!),
They air-kiss a greeting a perfunctory routine,
“Darling I’m starving, have you heard about Jean?”

They march up the stairs to the ‘restaurant’ place
Demand the best table – they need to have space!
Both order a salad and wine from the waiter
(Although they are hungry both will eat later!)

Two half-eaten salads and barely sipped drink,
They have been bitching “Did you see her in pink?”
They summon the waiter and settle the bill,
They’re now going shopping with considerable skill.

At the end of the counter the clothes start to mount,
“Thank heavens my dear for Hubby’s account!”
One by one the next morning for refunds they go,
“It just wasn’t me!” so that Hubby won’t know!

For the latest 10 verses click on ‘Home’ above
© Baldock Bard
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

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Arthur, June and Rover: Highway Ode 4

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Since the demise of the Rover car company in the UK, there has been nothing to replace it as the car maker of choice for the discontented elderly driver. There are suggestions that maybe Honda has come close, but they are altogether a more reliable and sensible car and therefore not first choice for the Arthur’s of this world. Any advice on the subject would be gratefully received…

Arthur drives a Rover,
Trilby hat upon his head,
driving gloves and car coat,
his cheeks are glowing red.

He sits in the middle lane
at fifty-five no more,
“It wasn’t like this when I was young,
just before the war.”

He shouts at other drivers,
quite often he’s obscene,
“I pay my tax, I pay my rates,
I sing ‘God save the Queen.'”

June sits there beside him,
she never makes a fuss,
in a year or so his licence will go,
she’ll happily take the bus!

© Baldock Bard
The Baldock Saturday Car Boot Sale returns on the 14th April 2012
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Waiting at the Lights: Highway Ode 3

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The other day I was driving in a local town when I saw a ‘girly car’ stopped at the traffic lights. The driver was applying lipstick using the interior mirror while she waited for the lights to change. This reminded me that some time ago I wrote a verse that possibly conjured up such a scene…

Anne-Marie ponders
The state of her nails
And how to attract some predatory males
She uses the mirror
Because it is there
For applying her lippy and checking her hair
She wriggles her skirt
Repositions her top
Her boss will be panting and sweating non-stop
She knows other drivers
Are watching her preen
They’re welcome to look but if they touch she will scream

© Baldock Bard

The Baldock Saturday Car Boot Sale returns on the 14th April 2012
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Bootverse Archive 2

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Over the years many shops have moved from out of the town centre to giant malls on the outskirts. In September 1998 I wrote about our local town, Baldock, bemoaning the loss of traditional shops and the surge in the number of charity outlets, restaurants and estate agents. Since then the trend has continued. Plus ca change…

A man I knew had a shop
In an empty local town
Rent and rates kept going up
Few customers came around
Someone mentioned our boot sale
I think his name was Frank
Now he has his shop in a Transit van
And money in the bank!

1998 was the year of a certain Monica Lewinski saga. Of course the Baldock Bard couldn’t let this one slip the net!

Monica Lewinski kept ‘that’ dress
Under her mothers bed
I bet that now Clinton wishes
She’d sold it in a boot sale instead!

© Baldock Bard

The Baldock Saturday Car Boot Sale returns on the 14th April 2012
www.u-boot.co.uk

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