The Farm Inspection!

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Once a year we have an inspection on the farm. The result of a pass is that we can call ourselves ‘Farm Assured’ and buyers can buy our crops with confidence knowing that at any stage of the process from gate to plate the origins can be traced. It also shows that we have followed the myriad of rules we have to obey. Gone are the days of Farmer Fred simply having to obey the weather, his wife and the bank manager…

I had a snap inspection yesterday,
even though all the wheat had gone away,
the inspector checked around the farm,
finding nothing amiss to raise an alarm.
Then it came to the paperwork that’s needed,
for every acre of farm that’s seeded.
For this Mrs Bard is firmly in charge,
as my filling skills wouldn’t satisfy the Sarge!
She has a folder she likes very much,
labelled “Farmer Giles – Don’t You Dare Touch!”
All the inspectors we’ve ever had have been firm but fair and we’ve always managed to pass (something I could never manage at school). So thanks to Matt, we’re once again Farm Assured.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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A Slice of Wedding Cake!

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Last weekend I went to a family wedding in Devon. Having been berated by one of my foreign readers for writing about the journey and leaving the main event uncommented, I thought I’d better see what I could do. Writing about such an occasion will never do it full justice (unless it runs to 7,324 pages!) and so I offer you a slice of wedding cake…

The bride went to the altar,
to wed her handsome man,
the forecast talked of showers,
but all went according to plan.
The reception in a marquee,
a very British affair,
Thought I’d spotted Hugh Grant,
turned out he wasn’t there!
The father of the bride,
delivered an emotional speech,
the guests all toasted everyone,
again for glasses reach!
The photos were full of smiling,
with sunshine all around,
some high heels on the lawn,
seemed to dig into the ground!
Over in the corner,
awaiting rain from heaven,
a line of colourful brollies,
vital accessories in Devon!
“My Lords, Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding and raise a glass (or mug!) to Robert and Rebecca, and wish them a wonderful, long and happy marriage; Robert and Rebecca!”

I must just mention the brides mother who sang the first dance. It was truly amazing and had every guest on their feet applauding. One of the most remarkable and emotionally-charged performances I’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing.
Also a big ‘Thank You’ from me to the ‘Northern Crew’ who were so friendly towards a ‘Southern Softee’ and were a true pleasure to meet. May we meet again sometime. BB.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

 

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The Amateur Bee Keeper!

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Following a wedding in Devon, we had a funeral in Chester, a mere 250 miles to the North. The funeral was a true celebration of a life well lived. We stayed with Tony, an amateur bee keeper in Staffordshire. His attitude to this new hobby was rather refreshing…

Tony loves his bees,
he deals with them at ease,
he’s not really sure,
if he wants any more,
but if some swarm by he’ll say ‘please!’

He wears a very strange suit,
along with black Wellington boot,
he carries smoke,
before giving them a poke,
in his honey-questing persuit!

Unless you’re properly dressed it is not a good idea to disturb insects that sting!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Alice at Eighty!

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Yesterday evening Mrs Bard and I went to an 80th Birthday Party. Nothing unusual you may think, however as people get older these days they seem to get younger. Back in the day, when my grandmother was 80, she looked positively ancient, dressed in black or grey and confined to a chair. These days bright colours and a positive outlook seem to be the order of the day, particularly with Alice…

At a party in her garden,
(resembling The Palace!)
a young and spritely eighty,
we sang “Happy Birthday Alice!”
Wearing a brightly-coloured dress,
made for her daughter’s wedding,
added to a broad wide smile,
led to the years a-shedding.
Later when she opens,
her pile of birthday cards,
she’ll become aware,
all hold her in high regards.

When I was a child she hosted the most amazing children’s birthday parties, I’m pleased to say she’s not lost her magic touch! Happy Birthday Alice!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Memories in South Road, Baldock

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It is said that many from a certain generation can recall exactly where they were when they heard of President Kennedy’s assassination. I have to admit I can’t. Yesterday evening while driving down South Road in Baldock I remembered only too well the evening of 28th of June 2012…

A simple journey,
to fetch a take-away,
around 7.30,
five years ago today.
I had to stop the car,
through tears I could not see,
a devastating phone call,
in South Road came to me.

Marsya was a journalist,
mother and true friend,
supporter and encourager,
enjoyed her life no end.
Everyone still misses you,
(soppy verse you despised!)
you enjoyed shocking with vernacular,
damn these tearful eyes!
Remembering Marsya and her much-loved family with love

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Not In Our Branch

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In our local Lloyds Bank branch there is a new sign by the cashiers warning that abusive behaviour by customers will not be tolerated. I never thought I’d see such a sign in such a friendly small branch. While visiting yesterday I had an idea…

The ladies who sit behind the counter
have had a very bad encounter,
someone came in the other day,
behaving in an abusive way.

I have an idea for abusive haters,
hidden trap door with alligators!
If they attempt to scream and shout
It’d give them something to complain about!

In a couple of months the bank will close,
what we’ll do then heaven knows.
As the staff disperse to branches new
please remember the majority not the few.

Dedicated to all those at Lloyds Bank, Baldock. Thank you for being so friendly and charming over all the years – we’ll miss you.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Suitcase!

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I love browsing in remainder stores. I find that more than anything else it serves to remind me how we all have very different tastes (a wonderful thing otherwise we’d all be the same!). In my search for a stand-out item, I recently came across some suitcases that got me thinking…

Steve and Alice had been away,
seven whole nights in Montego Bay.
Flying back at the dead of night,
luggage carousel caused a fright!
So many bags all the same,
they searched for theirs only by name!
Steve then had a great idea,
solving the problem suddenly clear.
For Alice’s birthday he bought a case,
no more searching would they face.
Alice let out a dreadful groan,
now he travels on his own!

Wherever you’re travelling today, stay safe and enjoy yourselves.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Good in People

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In these strange and uncertain times the kindness and humanity of people is often overlooked. However look at any incident, either national or local, and you will spot ‘Helpers’ Ordinary people who, rather than look away or gawp, do acts of kindness to help. An incident at the car boot sale I organise last Saturday, reaffirmed my faith in human nature…

A man called Dennis went to the boot sale,
as he does every week without fail,
looking around for some paint,
he began to feel quite faint.
All of a sudden he found himself down,
collapsed out cold on the ground.
Up jumped some helpers from their stall,
(didn’t know the collapsee at all),
put him in the recovery position,
“At the boot sale is there a Physician?”

The ambulance drove its way through the crowd,
it’s sirens occasionally quite loud,
took Dennis to Stevenage A&E,
now he’s better and bright as can be.
It just shows that there are good people about,
their deeds not broadcast with a shout,
at a boot sale, in the street, anywhere,
ordinary people who really do care.

With my heartfelt thanks to those who rushed to help. I don’t know your names or where you are from, but if this somehow reaches you, I just want to thank you so much for your acts of kindness. Dennis is much better and will be looking for you on Saturday to thank you in person. BB

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Doughnuts with Caramel Sauce!

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We all have a favourite place to go to celebrate a birthday, anniversary or even just a Friday or weekend! Mrs Bard and I have sometimes driven thirty-five miles out of Baldock, almost to Newmarket, to eat out at the Hole In The Wall at Little Wilbraham, on the flimsiest of excuses! Yesterday was our 38th Wedding Anniversary, so it was a no-brainer when I wondered where to take the family for lunch to celebrate this milestone.

Alex Rushmer and his crew,
always take such care of you.
It’s no hardship, none at all,
to enjoy a lunch at the Hole in the Wall.

A Masterchef finalist in Twenty-Ten,
his food’s so good we go back again!
To cap it off we choose (of course!)
his famous Doughnuts with Caramel Sauce!

So thanks to everyone for a great lunch,
you are all such an amazing, welcoming bunch!
Added to that a great list of wine,
can’t wait to come back one more time!

Alex and the Crew are at The Hole in the Wall, Little Wilbraham, CB21 5JY. http://www.holeinthewallcambridge.com
You’d better hurry before they run out of Doughnuts!
© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Mr Bunn’s Big Bag!

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Throughout my farming career there have not been many years when we haven’t used fertiliser from Bunns, an old established company from Norfolk. While waiting for the spreader yesterday, I contemplated the wonderful advancement of the big bag that makes my job of carting to the spreader from the barn so easy. I the days of my youth the man doing the same job used to have to handle 1cwt (50kg) bags by hand, a back-breaking task…

Years ago a Mr Bunn,
said to his wife: “let’s give farmer’s fun!”
They sat in the kitchen with a bottle of Tizer,
“we’ll sell them small bags of fertiliser!”
So for years they made farmers sweat,
(and praying for rain but not too wet!)
After the couple had enjoyed a good laugh:
“Let’s go down a different path!
We’ve made them panic, now let the sweat run,
we’ll fill a bag that weighs a ton!”
Every year it’s easier for me,
they didn’t take into account my JCB!

With many thanks to Bunns and all the fertiliser manufacturers and sellers for initiating a quiet revolution un-noticed by most who drive by our farms.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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