Ignoring Old Friends!

Share

I met some old friends while out shopping the other day. Wherever I looked there they were trying to get me to step back in time and put them in my basket. This was going to be a tough battle of wills…

I met old friends in the shop,
they shouted at me: “Hey, You, Stop!
You’ve not chosen us since May this year,
That’s six whole months it would appear,
You’ve not bought eclairs or cream cakes,
You’ve hurt our feelings for heaven sakes!
You’re quite a bore and have become quite trying,
on the shelf the Wagon Wheels are constantly crying!”
I ignored their cries and persistent protest,
concentrated instead on my next blood test!
Not wishing to risk criticism from the Diabetes Nurse,
who has the ability to make my day worse!

Have a great day and have a cream cake for me! (go on – just the one!)

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

 

Share on Facebook
Share

Synchronised Sleeping!

Share

Our guard-geese are very clever at synchronised sleeping, to the casual observer it may seem ok to creep past them, however the slightest snap of a twig or clack of a stone and they are up-and-at-em! Most mornings they chase me (or anyone else who knows what they want!) down the yard and we have to admit to being mugged again…

The geese are synchronized sleeping,
they’ve got no work to do,
they’ve been on duty all night long,
the over-night security crew!
All of a sudden they start honking,
they chase me – their wings drum a beat,
it may seem like they’re angry,
but they after their breakfast of wheat!

If you’re caught sleeping on the job, just tell the boss you were resting your eyes whilst thinking about the work in front of you!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

 

Share on Facebook
Share

Seasonal Snacks!

Share

If there is one event that marks the end of the car boot season for me more than Saturday morning lie-ins, no mowing of parking strips and no printing of signs and tickets, it is the in-store appearance of two seasonal favourites. However since being diagnosed with self-inflicted diabetes in May, Twiglets and Cheeselets have been off the menu…

My two old friends are back again,
but they’re not for me, such a pain!
I daren’t even crack open a lid,
I’d be such a fool if I did,
so I look away and walk by,
we’re now divorced ‘Cheeselets Goodbye!’

But I’m not stopping you, go on, you know you can’t resist them!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

 

Share on Facebook
Share

The Mountainous Echo!

Share

The last of the oats went yesterday and there are just two lorry-loads of beans left. It seems strange that it was only on Sunday that the barn echoed to singing and yet in just two days there is a bigger echo than Julie Andrews found from the mountain-top in the Sound of Music…

There’s a cavern-like echo,
in our storage barn,
The oats are all gone,
By lorry from the farm,
Apart from some sweepings,
I’ve kept for the geese,
their equivalent of a Pernod,
on the seafront in Nice!

Two lorry-loads of beans,
Are to go to Kings Lynn,
nothing in the grain store,
nothing left in a bin.
That’s it for harvest,
the last that I’ll do,
In future I’ll observe,
from a deckchair like you!

I will also be able to retire the sweeping brush and grain shovel, they seem to have been my constant companions just lately. I will hardly miss them!
© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
Season Ends 14
th October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

Share on Facebook
Share

Screaming Beans!

Share

The last of the beans have now been swept and conveyed (with the help of my trusty son-in-law, John), to the floor of the barn next door leaving the silos empty. Never a pleasant job sweeping anything from the bins but the beans add another dimension – noise! The hard-as-bullets seeds rattle and scream as they are swept towards the conveyor, so much so that if ear defenders aren’t worn, the next few hours are spent saying “pardon”…

“I beg your pardon,
what did you say?
I’ve been in a bin,
sweeping beans today!
What with the dust,
shovel and brush,
all I can hear,
is turned to mush!
We both wore masks,
Halloween is soon,
when I’ll be seen flying
away on my broom!”
Have a good day, stay safe and be careful with that hearing!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
Season Ends 14
th October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share on Facebook
Share

A Harvest Bag of Beans!

Share

This is a week of Harvest Festivals. On Monday I went to a service held by my Granddaughter’s school, it was an amazing modern service, not a hint of ploughing the fields and scattering. I remember going to a harvest festival at my daughter’s primary school many years ago when the vicar was late! During the pause, before he finally arrived carrying his shopping and wondering why everyone was assembled in his church, I re-wrote the words to a seasonal hymn! Somewhat changed here we go again…

We plough the fields and scatter,
with help from the EU,
soon we will be on our own,
that’s right – just me and you!
Herman, Jaques and Roberto,
will sneer at us and say:
“There’ll be no trade agreements,
why don’t you go away?
You’ll have to take our exports,
as for our markets all’s not as it seems,
any agreement we might have had,
ain’t worth a bag of beans!”

With apologies to all but it seems that farming will soon be on its own in a cold harsh climate with only the British Government to rely on for assistance (Ha Ha!)

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
Season Ends 14
th October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

Share on Facebook
Share

Feeding The Farm Staff!

Share

These last few days I’ve been busy loading oats. This is a tricky operation as the lorry has to be full to the brim in order to achieve a useful tonnage (oats weigh considerably less than wheat). When I have made three large heaps on the trailer, the driver drives forward as fast as he can before slamming on the brakes. This helps to level the load and fill up the odd corner before I load more! Unfortunately in these days of automatic sheets to cover the load, some spillage occurs. This is warmly greeted by certain members of the farm staff who have been waiting to pounce nearby…

You can tell I’ve been loading oats,
some have spilt in the yard,
the geese all honk “Thank-you,
it’s our payment for being on-guard!
We wander around at night,
we sometimes honk for danger,
then our silent attack,
and see off a lingering stranger!
Christmas is coming,
on oats we’re getting fat,
we’re too old and tough to eat,
thank heaven’s for that!”

If you are having trouble with strangers, get some geese (they don’t like it up ’em Captain Mainwaring!)

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
Season Ends 14
th October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share on Facebook
Share

Oats From A Different Angle!

Share

When you have a drone you get to see everyday actions from an entirely different angle. I had never thought of filming the loading of a lorry as I’m normally doing the loading. Last Friday son-in-law John drove the JCB Loadall, leaving me free to film. It was also handy for the lorry driver to be able to keep an eye on the load so we could get the maximum amount of light-weighing oats per load…

John is driving the Loadall,
he is very careful,
not to spill,
only to fill,
and keep everybody cheerful!

The Bard flies the drone,
over the lorry trailer roam,
it avoids the dust,
that’s a must,
digital pictures not Kodachrome!
My Mavic Pro does seem to like to get in on the act, could this be an ‘Auto-Drone-Selfie?’
Apologies for the poor quality verse!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until 14th October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share on Facebook
Share

The Farmer’s Hoodie!

Share

Yesterday evening I spent a relaxed time sweeping oats in a bin so they could join the heap on the floor in the next-door barn. It is a crap job. The air-sweep floors (vents pointing towards the outlet of the bin that help empty the last 15 tons of grain) are now old, and with oats being so light, simply seem to hinder the job by blowing them up into the air so they drop down inside the shirt of the sweeper. Unless he is wearing a very un-farmer-like article of clothing…

The farmer is wearing a hoodie!
Well just fancy that!
He’s not hanging around a bus stop,
in a back2front farmer’s cap!
He’s too old for the ‘Yoof Club’,
it’s time that he retired,
he’s too old to be an apprentice,
“Farmer you are fired!”
He’s silly enough to be in a bin,
sweeping dusty oats,
the hoodie keeps all dust from his back,
avoids itchy undercoats!
Later this very morning,
three loads of oats will go,
waved off by the farmer in his hoodie
“He’s daft that farmer you know!”

If you’re sweeping today, I wish you as little dust as possible!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share on Facebook
Share

The Spider’s Web

Share

The other night I almost walked into a very large spider’s web. As I shone the torch the intricate construction was displayed and I grabbed my trusty I-phone hoping against all odds to capture the beauty. Then I realized that it was designed purely for killing…

“Welcome to the Web,”
said the spider to the fly,
“ask it anything you want,
you’ll learn the ‘what and why!’

Learn all the latest news,
some may or not be true,
learn about yourself,
you’ll find the real ‘you’!

Learn about digestion,
and how the web is fine.”

The spider then ate the fly,
“The digestion part was MINE!”

Take care out there; all that is beautiful is not necessarily good for your health!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

Share on Facebook
Share