The New Glasses!

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For the last two days I’ve been blundering about in the dark as I broke my glasses. Like a utility, glasses are not noticed until they are not there, especially at a busy time of year when clear vision is most important for a farmer. Mrs Bard trooped me off down to our local Alders in Letchworth (friendly people who’ve got me out of trouble on more than one occasion). I judge frames on comfort (as they are beyond my line of vision), Mrs Bard decides whether they ‘suit my face’ (whatever that may mean!) At least this gives the staff in the shop some amusement…

I’d rolled over in bed the other night,
heard a snap and had a fright!
felt around without a laugh,
snapped my glasses clean in half.
The next day a ‘Harry Potter’ mend,
others thought me round the bend,
Off to Alders in a hurry,
“I can’t see it’s quite a worry!”
Faced with a large display of frames,
discussion starts (no calling names!)
A pair is chosen, relief is shed,
(It wasn’t the ones I tried on in red!)

Thanks to all the staff at Alders in Letchworth for your assistance, jollity and humour!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Last Day of the Pirates

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In the mid-Sixties, as a small boy, my mother and father would take my brother and I on a bucket-and-spade holiday to Frinton in Essex. The town was famous for it’s ‘nothing-happens-here’ quality. One of the few things I remember from those holidays was the sight of two ships, three miles off the beach, with very tall masts.
It was on this day 50 years ago that the Labour government of the day saw their law banning these ships come it force against the will of millions of listeners. The so-called Pirate Radio stations were outlawed and replaced by a lacklustre state-owned copy in the form of BBC Radio 1.
I have often wondered what those who suffered the seasickness, supply shortages and foulest weather that the North Sea could throw at them think of their legacy – radio that is bland, identikit and soul-less, a far cry from their days on the high seas…

Its left to wonder,
what these pioneers,
think of their legacy,
after fifty years!

Who could ever forget the jingle: Wonderful Radio London!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Brutality of Nature!

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Most people regard a Monday as the start of a new week. As Mrs Bard and I run the car boot sale on a Saturday, when we aren’t too busy on the farm, Monday becomes our Sunday! This morning we have been peacefully watching tiny ducklings on the river when the brutality of nature becomes apparent…

A duck with ten ducklings,
floating down the river,
a hungry pike sizes them up,
thinks ‘one would make my dinner!’
Suddenly there’s a splash,
the pike has said ‘come hither!’
now there are just nine of them,
floating down the river.

May your Monday be peaceful and calm and may your predators stay away.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Where Are The ‘Effin Keys?

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Yesterday morning everything happened at once and due to a small oversight I went into full panic mode! They say that sometimes you can’t see the wood from the trees, this time I couldn’t see the forest from my drone! However like most panic events, all was well in the end and yet again, I earned myself the title: ‘Wotta Plonker!’…

Tanker came to fill the tanks,
for tractor, house and car,
I couldn’t find any tank keys,
though I searched near and far!

At the same time Johnnie,
was servicing the tractor,
and a chemical delivery,
a complicating factor!

I rushed around the house,
Like a chicken with no head,
swearing about everyone,
and an unknown I called ‘Fred!’

Then searched in my office,
including the untidy floor:
Guess where I found them?
…in the house back door!

Thanks to the driver from Conquest Oil, Johnnie from Oliver Landpower and the Agrovista driver for not panicking and dealing calmly with the situation! This morning peace reigns. No deliveries, no servicing and the yard is quiet…aaaah…and breath!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Memories in South Road, Baldock

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It is said that many from a certain generation can recall exactly where they were when they heard of President Kennedy’s assassination. I have to admit I can’t. Yesterday evening while driving down South Road in Baldock I remembered only too well the evening of 28th of June 2012…

A simple journey,
to fetch a take-away,
around 7.30,
five years ago today.
I had to stop the car,
through tears I could not see,
a devastating phone call,
in South Road came to me.

Marsya was a journalist,
mother and true friend,
supporter and encourager,
enjoyed her life no end.
Everyone still misses you,
(soppy verse you despised!)
you enjoyed shocking with vernacular,
damn these tearful eyes!
Remembering Marsya and her much-loved family with love

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Lucky Chip!

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Chip ‘resting his eyes’ by the Aga!

In early December 2002 we had a dog run over on the main road. Our other dog was bereft and unconsolable. So we went to a rescue centre to look for a companion for her. There was one particular dog, a Jack Russell Terrier called Chip who had been un-homed for over a year because he had problems. Apparently he didn’t like children, other dogs or cats and wasn’t particularly fond of humans either! He had a doggie-psychiatrists report to back this up that stretched to many pages. However, despite his documented problems, there was something appealing about him and we asked if we could take him home. The supervisor advised us that we’d have to wait until we’d had passed a suitability visit before we could adopt him. When she came out to see us and saw the farm, woodland, large fenced-in garden and met the family, she simply had this to say: “Lucky Chip!”
For the next fifteen  years he was very much part of our family. The report had been utter tripe: he loved other dogs, adored children, ignored cats and gave nothing but love to all humans! In short, apart from the ability to constantly moult his coat, leaving all surfaces with a constant reminder of him, he was the perfect dog.
On Friday, in his eighteenth year, when he had finally stopped eating, had trouble drinking and his back legs were on the verge of giving up, we took him on his final journey to the vet. Amidst flowing tears, we said our goodbyes and then laid him to rest in a sunny spot of the garden that he loved so much. I only hope we gave him as much as he gave to our family and friends, both human and canine.
He was ‘Lucky Chip’ in so many ways.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Not In Our Branch

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In our local Lloyds Bank branch there is a new sign by the cashiers warning that abusive behaviour by customers will not be tolerated. I never thought I’d see such a sign in such a friendly small branch. While visiting yesterday I had an idea…

The ladies who sit behind the counter
have had a very bad encounter,
someone came in the other day,
behaving in an abusive way.

I have an idea for abusive haters,
hidden trap door with alligators!
If they attempt to scream and shout
It’d give them something to complain about!

In a couple of months the bank will close,
what we’ll do then heaven knows.
As the staff disperse to branches new
please remember the majority not the few.

Dedicated to all those at Lloyds Bank, Baldock. Thank you for being so friendly and charming over all the years – we’ll miss you.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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D-Day

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According to historians, the run up to June 6th 1944 was accompanied by horrific weather. We must be grateful that the weather cleared, or who knows what the outcome would have been. This morning we were due to have 30 school children from London to visit the farm, the forecasted 40mph winds have led to the trip being postponed…

By 10:30 this morning,
excited voices would have filled the shed,
but alas this stormy morning,
silence rules instead.
They would have discovered,
the feel of linseed, oats and wheat,
and where their breakfast comes from,
to make their day complete!
Then they’d walk through the woods,
discovering as they go,
but the wood is silent this morning,
apart from planes shuttling to-and-fro!
But a postponement isn’t a worry,
(we’ve not had one before)
would have been more disasterous way back then,
…in nineteen-forty-four.

Thinking of all those who made the ultimate sacrifice on D-Day so that we may have the freedom we all enjoy today.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Age Before Youth!

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Over ten years ago Mrs Bard picked a kitchen clock out of the rubbish at the Saturday car boot sale I organise. She put in a new battery and since then it has kept perfect time as it is controlled by a radio signal from Rugby. Yesterday it failed. I put in a new battery to no avail, it was time to wave goodbye…

The old kitchen clock has run out of time,
it’s days in the house are through,
I gave up trying to restart the hands,
“no more can we rely on you!”
I replaced it back upon the wall,
until a replacement found,
and on the internet we did trawl,
for a clock with a wood surround.
The new replacement ordered,
the old clock whirred once more,
and suddenly both hands stopped in place,
Perfect time at ten to four!

So the threat of the dustbin works as a repair mechanism!
Old free clock kicks new £45 clock’s butt! For once age beats youth!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Pan Overboard!

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On the Bank Holiday Mrs Bard and I were invited to go on a short cruise on a river by some friends who own a posh cruiser. While eating a rater fine piece of cake I made a mess on the Wilton and the dustpan and brush went into action. Unfortunately while giving the crumbs to the fish, an accident occurred…

Up went the cry:
“Pan overboard!
it can’t swim,
Oh my Lord!
Attention Captain!
Stop the boat,
it can’t swim,
perhaps it’ll float?”
By swift action,
I’ll not forget,
the pan was saved,
by Annette!

Have a great week and if you’re boating please take care

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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