The Road-Mending Fairy!

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Yesterday was a lovely sunny and warm day. In fact it was just the sort of day to sit in a pub by the river with an ice-cold glass of beer! As I am lacking in any sort of common sense I chose the day to mend the pot-holes on the back drive leading to our industrial units…

Being stupid,
and devoid of common sense,
I chose the warmest April day,
to mend the roadway by the fence.
The back drive is now,
like an ‘effin motorway,
all the pot holes have disappeared,
the Road-Mending Fairy’s gone away!
He built up a thirst,
a few beers cannot quell,
and now he doesn’t care,
he’s legless (can’t you tell?)
So next time you see a pothole,
spare a thought for the guy,
who shovels in the filler,
under a furnace April sky!

Enjoy your day and may there be no potholes to give you a bumpy ride!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14
thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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April Downpours!

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I am struggling to remember such a wet start to April, even the rain gauge has held up the white flag of surrender. However, like a hangover, you know it’s not going to last or at least that’s what a bloke called Noah told me…

A lake has appeared that’s on no map,
it’s down to the weather to take the rap,
April showers are not to blame,
just constant enduring steady rain.
It seems to be the shape of a goat,
looks large enough to sail a boat!
But as in all things it’ll fade away
and be forgotten by this time in May!!

It’s time to replace those old comfy but holed wellies!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14
thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Pondering!

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We have a very old stone bench in the garden. It’s nothing special, but sometimes it catches the sun and being out of the wind, is a great place to ponder. Saturday was one of those rare April days when it was both dry and warm. I did some tidying up in the garden and then sat with two dogs to ponder…

I was pondering on the bench,
should I mow?
Should I risk it?
The two dogs sat with me,
all they wanted was a biscuit!

May you find time to ponder sometime during the hustle and bustle of you week

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14
thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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The First Cut Of Spring!

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In past years I’ve always made the mistake of leaving the first cut of our grass too late with the result that the first cut has been hard work for the mower. Yesterday I went to get the mower out of the shed having forgotten that I’d manually pushed it in there last Autumn when it broke. Coming from the ‘bodge-it-and-pray’ school of engineering, I effected a temporary repair…

This farmer went to mend,
his mower in the shed,
He’d had all winter to mend it,
or that’s what his wife said!
First it wouldn’t start,
then it wouldn’t run,
the farmer scratched his head,
“This will not be fun!”
The drive belt was so frayed,
the blades they were worn,
another belt was so old,
it was there when he was born!
The easy belts replaced,
just so it would go,
started it with jump leads,
and off he went to mow!
His fingers crossed it did the job,
it could have been despair,
ask him where the mower’s gone now,
to the dealer for repair!

I should have been a Boy Scout then I’d always be prepared!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

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The Bride’s Verse!

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Every morning when I get up at around 7am, I wonder how I’m going to fill the blank computer screen for my daily blog. Mostly it depends what has happened the day before, or what is about to happen or what photo I can find. As I blunder down the stairs my mind is desperately searching for a topic. This morning it was blank until it remembered a dream and at the same time my phone went ‘ping!’. About fifteen minutes later (my daily time limit) the job is done, all thanks to a future bride…

I have a strange imagination,
which when asleep causes consternation.
I have these dreams almost always weird,
I woke up this morning – barmy I feared.
I stumbled downstairs grabbed a mug,
carton of milk (you notice no jug!).
Started to think about what to write,
remembered my dream overnight!
I’ve been asked if I’d chauffeur a bride,
On her wedding day – a tractor ride!
In my dream there was deep snow,
(highly unusual for July I know!)
Then to make my morning weird,
a message on my phone appeared:
I nearly choked on my tea,
the very same bride a friend request for me!
So thank-you Emma for my daily verse,
there won’t be snow or anything worse,
I’ll clean out the cab for your tractor ride,
and all will be perfect when you’re a bride!

Emma is a nurse so I may be asking for stronger medication!
(She is also special as she was born on the farm and was a wonderful nurse at a time when we most needed help).
Have a good day and stay safe.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

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Threatened and Mugged!

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Yesterday morning I was threatened and mugged as I walked to work. The assailants, all white, weren’t after my mobile, fancy trainers or cash, but after wheat! Spring is definitely in the air as they are getting more boisterous by the day…

“Stand and Deliver!”
the geese all shout,
“Put down that phone,
and get the wheat out!”

“Don’t hesitate,
or try nothing funny,
we just want some wheat,
to help fill our tummy!”

I went to the hopper,
and scooped out some food,
They then honked some more,
(I think it was rude!)

If you find yourself mugged by a bird today, just give in as quickly as possible and walk on, you know it makes sense! Just in case you think I’m the only sucker on the block, Val is regularly mugged too! Take care out there – the farmyard is a dangerous place!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

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How Farmers Cheat…

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When you’re hoisting the Bishop in the morning to bless the church roof, the Loadall and cage are dirty and the steam-cleaner is frozen solid…

You visit the hand car wash in Letchworth!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
 

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Beast No-Show in Baldock!

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Have you ever attempted a massive tempt of fate? Last night I decided that if the heavily-promoted ‘Beast from the East’ hadn’t arrived by this morning, I’d laugh in its face and walk outside in my pyjamas and slippers! Well it hasn’t and I did (although not far as it was slightly chilly!)…

Outside I strode,
(not as far as the road),
in my night attire,
not a hint of satire.
The snowplough is ready,
it sits in the sheddy, (ouch!)
fuelled up to go,
but there is no snow!

My high-vis is hanging,
on the back of the door,
Thermals I’m wearing,
boots on the floor.
Where’s all this snow?
I want to know:

The Beast from the East?
Nah! The Kitten hits Britain!

If it doesn’t snow after that appalling rhyme I’ll just have to give up and accept that it was all hype! Have a great day and stay safe.
STOP PRESS: The Bard New Slipper Fund has just reached a record-breaking 38p! Thank you for your generous pledges!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

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The Orbiting Tesla

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I have a sneaking regard for Elon Musk. Not only does he produce one of the worlds most-wanted and ground-breaking range of cars and space rockets, but he has the genius of putting the two together and creating one of the greatest-ever publicity stunts…

I took my Tesla to the stores,
in the car park feeling aloof,
the throttle stuck,
I shouted “F***!”
as I flew right off the roof!

I found myself up in orbit,
floating gently, in space (all alone),
“this is Major Tom!”
‘That Song’ on and on,
as I passed by I waved to home.

The conspiracy theorists on earth,
say I’m really not here,
I’m in my car,
rather be in a bar,
with down-to-earth friends and a beer!

*picture thanks to SpaceX and media outlets worldwide.
© Baldock Bard 2018
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Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

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Steve the Seagull!

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When you write, there are some days when a topic or words just won’t come. In true British fashion, the weather is generally good for a few lines, but once you’ve said “it’s raining again’, it’s hard to find different words and ways. This morning is one of those mornings, so for my 1650th posting I apologise from the comfort of the bathroom we share with Steve…

The final day of January,
Steve the Seagull’s very glad,
he looks from the bathroom,
outside the weather’s bad.
The rain is horizontal,
It’s lashing down “oh my!”
He lets out a chuckle,
‘cos inside he’s nice and dry!

With apologies for such a corny weather-related post and a big ‘sorry’ to my old English teacher for using his banned word ‘nice!’ Have a good day and stay dry!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

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