The Road-Mending Fairy!

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Yesterday was a lovely sunny and warm day. In fact it was just the sort of day to sit in a pub by the river with an ice-cold glass of beer! As I am lacking in any sort of common sense I chose the day to mend the pot-holes on the back drive leading to our industrial units…

Being stupid,
and devoid of common sense,
I chose the warmest April day,
to mend the roadway by the fence.
The back drive is now,
like an ‘effin motorway,
all the pot holes have disappeared,
the Road-Mending Fairy’s gone away!
He built up a thirst,
a few beers cannot quell,
and now he doesn’t care,
he’s legless (can’t you tell?)
So next time you see a pothole,
spare a thought for the guy,
who shovels in the filler,
under a furnace April sky!

Enjoy your day and may there be no potholes to give you a bumpy ride!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
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Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
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thApril 2018
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Memories of a Gentle Man

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I seem to have entered a phase in life where funerals comprehensibly out-weigh weddings, christenings and other celebrations! Yesterday, Mrs Bard and I went to say goodbye to a friends father, Roy. As I sat in the church watching people arrive, I wondered how they all fitted into the large jig-saw that was Roy’s life. Then I thought of how this ‘truly gentle-man’ fitted into ours…

Roy was a newspaper editor from the days when they were representative of the community they served and not just ‘swapsies’ for large faceless organisations. When our son was killed, it was to him we turned for help with writing the notice to be put into the newspapers. He sat in our kitchen and went through the word-options with such kindness and quiet helpfulness that the memory is vivid even some fifteen years later. When I delivered the eulogy for his daughter Sally’s funeral, he came up to me afterwards and paid me the greatest ever one-word compliment by simply saying ‘Thank you’, but in a way that conveyed a thousand unspoken words and emotions.
He had been a great amateur sportsman in his time and it was entirely fitting that we left the church to co to a ‘Cricket Tea’ afterwards.
The sun shone and the daffodils were in full bloom, how very appropriate.
Thank you Roy.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14
thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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The Showroom Display!

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The other day I visited a local builders merchants to buy some paint and various odds and ends. Walking past the bathroom showroom it reminded me of a true story told to me by an embarrassed dad about losing his toddler son in such a place…

Mick took his young son,
to buy a tap,
nothing unusual,
you may think about that.
Told the checkout girl,
“I’m on childcare!”
looked around,
his boy wasn’t there.
Back around the store,
blaming himself,
including where taps,
were displayed on the shelf.
His sense of failure,
was not diminished,
until in the toilet display,
his son shouted “Finished!”

I hope you had a chuckle at this story and that it set you up for an enjoyable week! Thanks to grand-daughter Marsya for getting this story to light at the trade counter!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14
thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Winning Ways!

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Despite being plagued by sales calls, I seem to have enjoyed an immunity from nuisance texts. That was until yesterday when I had two, one to tell me that the bank account I don’t have has gone into overdraft, the other to say that the ‘new me’, Natasha, is eligible to win £13,000. I always suspected that one day I’d be a winner…

My name is now Natasha,
so this text does show,
are they hiding something from me,
that I ought to know?
Will I suddenly wear a skirt,
in order to claim the prize?
Or possibly there will be,
eye-shadow around my eyes!
I don’t think it will fool anyone,
they must have made a mistake,
there’s probably no prize money,
it’s just the p*** they take!

Here’s hoping you’re a winner today, have fun and stay safe.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14
thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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Hope for the Future!

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Many of my generation take great pleasure in criticising the youth of today. They wear the phrase ‘…in my day’ as a badge of honour designed to suggest that youngsters of today have it easier, don’t work as hard and there is little hope for the future.
Yesterday I met a young lad who filled me with confidence about the future of agricultural engineering. Tom works for P. Tuckwell at Cromer in Herts, our local John Deere dealership and came to the farm to deliver and fit a battery to the mower. However, when was done, he spotted a mistake in fitting a belt that I had made and used incredible people skills, not only in pointing this out to a customer he’d never met before, but in such a way that didn’t make me feel incompetent or stupid, before helping me to rectify my mistake.
The confidence that I felt afterwards, in both him and his employer, shows that despite much having changed since ‘…in my day’, there are some very skilled young people out there and the future is looking bright, especially in agricultural engineering…

The skill of a young engineer,
from a dealer in this case John Deere,
to be able to spot,
when something looks right but is not,
and impress a grumpy old farmer,
deserves a beer!

Many thanks to Tom of Tuckwell’s and best wishes for the future and apologies for getting you to pose for the photo!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14
thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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April Downpours!

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I am struggling to remember such a wet start to April, even the rain gauge has held up the white flag of surrender. However, like a hangover, you know it’s not going to last or at least that’s what a bloke called Noah told me…

A lake has appeared that’s on no map,
it’s down to the weather to take the rap,
April showers are not to blame,
just constant enduring steady rain.
It seems to be the shape of a goat,
looks large enough to sail a boat!
But as in all things it’ll fade away
and be forgotten by this time in May!!

It’s time to replace those old comfy but holed wellies!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14
thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Breakfast Buffet!

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Many years ago in the far-off mists of time we used to rear turkeys for the Christmas market. Only one reminder of that time remains in the yard, a galvanized feeding trough which we now use to put out feed for our guard geese. However, as is the case with a free breakfast buffet, others make use of it too…

Saw a sight this morning,
made me splutter and cough,
two pheasants were standing,
in the geese’s trough!
Another was shouting,
“I think it’s very rude,
that you’re standing,
in someone else’s food!”
The cock pheasant said,
“I don’t think that I am,
and frankly my dear,
I don’t give a damn!”

Dedicated to anyone who may have been barged out of the way this morning at a hotel breakfast buffet! May the guilty suffer indigestion all morning!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14
thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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Pondering!

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We have a very old stone bench in the garden. It’s nothing special, but sometimes it catches the sun and being out of the wind, is a great place to ponder. Saturday was one of those rare April days when it was both dry and warm. I did some tidying up in the garden and then sat with two dogs to ponder…

I was pondering on the bench,
should I mow?
Should I risk it?
The two dogs sat with me,
all they wanted was a biscuit!

May you find time to ponder sometime during the hustle and bustle of you week

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14
thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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Walking Like a Reality Star!

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Yesterday I found myself in ‘School-mode’ forty-four years since I last sat behind a desk. I was sitting at my laptop, thinking empty thoughts and staring out of the window! In the distance a Canada goose walked towards the wood and just for a split second I had a vision of a famous reality-rear…

She twerks like a reality-star,
as she walks away,
her hips take on a life of their own,
as they begin to sway.
She always looks back,
to make sure we can see,
as if she’s teasing us:
“Look at me, look at me, look at me!”

…and then dazzled by her star quality, I grabbed the camera and headed towards the wood to capture a picture of her in all her glory!
I was duped and she was papped!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14
thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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No-Egg Easter!

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I am constantly amazed when meeting fellow diabetics. Many of them seem to only pay attention to their diets just before they are due an ‘all-seeing’ blood test. Having been told at the outset last May by a specialist: ‘if you don’t change your diet, the next time we meet I’ll cut off your legs’, was enough of an incentive for me (even with chocolate)…

My first Easter without chocolate,
since becoming diabetic last May,
all food has to be considered,
if well I’m going to stay.

My one big treat over Easter,
a mini hot cross bun,
I savoured every mouthful,
but only ate the one.

Of course I missed the chocolate,
untouched eggs on the shelf,
but the only one I’d have cheated,
would have been myself.

Before I’m accused of ‘Halo-polishing’ it must be remembered that my Type-2 was self-inflicted through my addiction to soft drinks and sweet things. Despite having a ‘bit-of-the-ex-smoker’ about me, I was left with little choice.
Have a great week and enjoy all that left over chocolate!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

 

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