Every Picture Tells a Story!

Share

If every picture tells a story, this one represents June here in Baldock. Rain followed by rain followed by rain, just a shame we can’t send it to the States to quell the forest fires in Colorado. We can only look forward to July in the hope that maybe we might see a summer!

Share on Facebook
Share

The Equestrian Family!

Share

We’ve become an ‘equestrian family’,
Since my daughter got a horse,
She grooms it and she feeds it
,
Which all takes cash of course!
On Saturdays we’re at the boot sale,
We buy apples by the ton!
The family lives in penury,
Rosettes are ‘boot sale’ won!
© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues tomorrow!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Share on Facebook
Share

The Joys of Pet Ownership (part 2)!

Share

Mrs Bard and I have two dogs (our furry children) who rule our lives. Like all humans, our animals have to poop sometimes! Many dog owners act responsibly when dealing with this natural occurrence, some don’t…

There’s nothing worse than a crouching dog,
For the mess they leave behind.
Sometimes you look at people’s gardens,
And it looks as if they’ve been mined!

In public places mini black bags are used,
Which sometimes folk just sling.
There’s only one fit punishment –
The owners head-first in the bin!
© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Share on Facebook
Share

Top Trumped!

Share

Are you are old/young enough to remember the playground game of Top Trumps? It involved a set of cards that displayed groups of items (in my case cars!) that all had values. My poor selection (normally Morris 1000 or worse) was always top trumped by my friends (Jaguar or better). Plus ca change this week…

I was in Lloyds Bank yesterday morning,
Was standing in the queue,
When I spied a cardboard cut-out,
And thought to impress you.

I sidled up as cool as I could,
Line of customers in full view,
And took a photo bold as brass,
Thinking smugly ‘That’ll do!’

The Olympic Torch in cardboard,
Complete with impressive flame,
I thought I’d print it out later,
And play a little game!

I didn’t bargain for Matthew Hanson,
A cunning player is he,
Topped trumped me with the real torch,
Was on Facebook before tea!
TOP-TRUMP HANSON!

LLOYDS BANK ARE PROUD SPONSORS OF THE OLYMPIC TORCH
© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Share on Facebook
Share

Wide Load!

Share

Mrs Bard was driving me up the M6 yesterday when we passed a lorry with its load covered by a multi-coloured tarpaulin. My mind began to wander as I contemplated the sight in front of us…

“If you’re heading North West on the M6 motorway,
The world’s largest market-bag is going your way!
That concludes this hours extensive travel report,
From Midlands FM at Elsmere Port!”

I suddenly thought: “That’s where we are!
Imagine taking it shopping, would it fit in the car?”
Thirty feet long by eight plus feet wide,
How many tins of beans could you fit inside?
How many fishes, and freshly baked bread?
Or slices of ham for your lunch instead!

“You are just crazy,” Mrs Bard started to gloat,
It’s just a tarpaulin covering a boat!

© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Share on Facebook
Share

First Wheels!

Share

Sometimes life is strange! Our neighbour’s sixteen year-old son hero-worships an actor who died sixteen years before he was born – Steve McQueen. The same lad has just taken delivery of a new moped…

Our neighbour’s son has a moped,
He’s recently turned sixteen,
He rides along the highway,
Thinks he’s Steve McQueen!

His favourite film is The Great Escape,
He’s got the poster too.
On his way to college,
He tries to jump the queue!

He nips along the country lanes,
28 mph you see,
Before he appears around the corner,
All you hear is ‘wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!’
© Baldock Bard 2012

 

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk

Replace (at) with @

Share on Facebook
Share

The Brick of Fiction!

Share

I am always fascinated by what appears in an auction room or boot sale stall. The other week in a local auction, lot number 57 was two bricks taken from 221 Baker St, the fictional home of Sherlock Holmes…

I have a friend his name is Mick,
Went to an auction bought a brick.
His charming wife (she’s called Daisy),
Saw his purchase then went crazy!
She shouted the odds and proceeded to cry:
“You bought a brick, just tell me why?”
Mick replied, “I’ll get to the bones,
It’s formerly owned by Sherlock Holmes!”
On hearing this, “That’s a gem,
You bought a brick? We’ve four walls of them!
Don’t mean to be rude with contradiction,
But your bloody brick’s just a work of fiction!”
© Baldock Bard 2012

Bayles Auctions, Norton, near Baldock
01763 281 256

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Share on Facebook
Share

Maxi Memories!

Share

It’s strange how certain objects can trigger memories. In a car park the other day saw a car I hadn’t seen for many years. A favourite with mums up and down the country, I had assumed they had all quietly rusted away…

Colin’s mum had an Austin Maxi,
Used it as a school run taxi.
Cloth-covered seats and plastic trim,
Slight smell of exhaust from within.
His sister Sue didn’t travel well,
So the car always had a sickly smell.
The radio-cassette was always fun,
Tuned to Blackburn on Radio One.
Colin’s mum smoked Marlboro red,
He stole to smoke behind the shed!
When at last we reached the school,
Colin would always play the fool.
He always spoke with words profane,
A constant target for headmaster’s cane.

One sad day I waited in vain,
They had gone, never seen again.
So here’s to you, Colin and Sue,
When I saw the Maxi I thought of you.

 © Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues today!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Share on Facebook
Share

The Joys of Pet Ownership (part 1)

Share

Last night I discovered why many people choose not to have a pet! Along with many friends, my life seems to revolve around our ‘furry children’! They are rewarding at times but sometimes…

I was fast asleep in the middle of the night,
When Mrs Bard screamed, she’d had an awful fright.
I groggily sat up, my back was covered in sweat,
Oh no it wasn’t, the bed was soaking wet!
I turned on the light and there to my dismay,
A squashed heap of sick by a sleeping dog lay!
We stripped off the bed, I stripped off my clothes,
Naked to the washing machine (should have used a hose!)
It was all my fault as almost most things are,
The door to the upstairs I discovered was ajar.
When I returned, with fresh bedclothes and a sheet
Where was the bloody dog?
On the bed, still fast asleep!
 © Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues tomorrow!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Share on Facebook
Share

Summer Sports-Day Shock Story!

Share

Every June the media roll out a shock-horror sports-day story involving over-zealous health and safety rules. This year another element has been introduced – the Olympics! A Dunbartonshire school has invited the chief Olympic Starter to start the races so long as he doesn’t use a pistol in case it frightens the children…

We rightly protect children across the land,
But hasn’t it got rather out of hand?
They don’t go to school if there’s a flake of snow,
Might slip and fall on the ice you know.
They mustn’t build a den or climb a tree,
Spin on a roundabout or get a grazed knee.
They mustn’t push, they mustn’t fight,
But they’re allowed to surf the net at night.
The bully tells teachers, “You can’t touch me,”
“My dad will advise a solicitor, no win no fee!”
They’ve now banned a starter starting a race with a gun,
When kids use shoot ‘em up computer games for fun.
‘Elf and Safety rules gone wild,
Bad for parents, bad for child.
If it continues in this way,
Bubble-wrap clothes before they play.
I may be old and set in my ways,
But I’m glad I grew up in the string-vest days!

© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Share on Facebook
Share