Baldock’s Last Cowboy!

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On Saturday at the car boot sale I bumped into an old friend I hadn’t seen for ages. Although now stooped with age, his eyes still had that sparkle I’d known fifteen years ago. In an age where youth is increasingly king, this is for all the old codgers and codgerettes out there…

Baldock’s last cowboy (and his hat) roams the mighty plain,
Always after adventure on his silver Zimmer frame.
He once used to ride a horse but it died in sixty-four,
Then he had a bicycle but can’t use it anymore.
He came across two varmints, making trouble down the road,
“You’d better leave, get out of town, before I shift my load!”
They looked at him with pity, “Go back down the park!”
He caught the first across the face, the Zimmer left it’s mark!
His mate creased up with laughter at the thought of his mates scar,
And fell right off the pavement, in front of a passing car!
So if you’re coming into town and trouble is your game,
Baldock’s last cowboy waits for you – No respect will just bring pain!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Sun rose over the Burger Van!

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This morning I thought I’d see what difference a change of venue would make to the daily verse. So instead of writing in the office I took my trusty MacBook to the boot sale to see what would transpire and inspire. The answer is that I won’t be repeating the experiment anytime soon…

The sun rose over the Burger Van,
The scene was illuminating.
Bob is selling unwanted toys,
He’s in electro-plating!

David has piles of socks,
He’s also selling hats,
Two old dears, been coming years,
Run a rescue home for cats!

The wind blows round the seller’s legs
It blows the bags and more,
It’s all the fault of Baldock folk,
They should learn to shut the door!

But soon the field will empty,
And homeward they’ll all go.
And I’ll be left to tidy up,
This glamorous job – I know!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk

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Simply Oat Storage!

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Do you have parts of your job that you dislike? Maybe it’s the daily commute, filing your tax return or even putting up with those you work with? This week we have been moving oats around the grain store (to keep them in perfect condition to be worthy of your plate) where they have been stored since harvest in 60 ton bins. This operation involves a fair amount of sweeping, dust and chaff and a large amount of facial sweat behind a full-face dust mask. Most of the time everything goes well. However when things go wrong oats start to overflow over the floor, down into the deep elevator pit, between bins rather than into them or onto us! Fun it is not…
Oats by the bucketful, oats by the tonne,
We’re moving oats and not having fun!
You’d think it was easy, shifting from bin to bin,
But when things go wrong it’s oats we are in!
They fall from conveyors, they fall from height,
They get in our clothes, it’s just not right.
John’s in the bin sweeping oats out,
The dust is so thick you can’t see out!
Just at the moment you think you’ve got them all,
There’s a spillage from above and oats begin to fall!
They’re coming from bin 9 going to bin 4,
Something has happened they’re all over the floor!
Then you discover you’re really in the sh*t,
You look down the hatch they’re in the inspection pit!
Their fall from on high makes misery complete,
By falling down your shirt and ending at your feet!
So next time you’re eating porridge and burn your tongue,
It’s just those playful oats again, having final fun!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Baldock’s Unusual Biscuits!

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Visit Baldock and see the world! In Chapman’s the Butchers on the High Street is a corner that is forever Jo’burg, Cape Town or Pretoria. Burly ex-pat South-Africans from around the UK can be found trying to stifle a sob as they re-discover groceries from back home. Their biscuit manufacturers are more adventurous in the choice of product names…

Fancy a Tennis?
That would be fun!
Along with tea
Under South African sun!
“Tell me Gerald,
What is the score?”
“The plate will be empty,
If you Eet-Sum-Mor!”
Down in the lane,
All not as it seems.
A travelling bovine,
Munches Romany Creams!
In the spare bathroom,
A smell never stops!
No-one is there,
Must be Ghost Pops!
Chapmans the Butchers
5 High Street Baldock
http://www.chapmansbutchers.com

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Big Bag Seed Stacking!

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Thankfully there is very little lifting on farms these days. Gone are the days of struggling up a ladder into a granary with harvest on your back in the shape of an enormous ‘railway sack’ weighing as much as a colleague. The hardest task now is likely to be using a large spanner or replacing a wheel. It may be easier times but other skills are required…

I’ve been playing Big-Bag Stacking,
With half-tonne bags of seed,
To pick them off the lorry,
A steady drive you need.

Reversing through the doorway,
Watching forward and back.
Careful as you’re turning,
In case you tear a sack.
Then it’s down to stacking,
One above the other.
Making sure they’re level,
Or you’ll cry “Dear mother!”

You may think that’s the end,
Celebrating – right?
Next morning is just chaos,
They’ve fallen overnight!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Bard’s New Clothes!

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True friends are those who come to the rescue, they are life’s fourth emergency service. Since my trusty Isuzu burnt out at harvest time (see Bard passim: http://www.u-boot.co.uk/baldockbardblog/?p=1064) I have been very lucky to have been lent vehicles by friends to tow the toilets to the car boot sale on a Saturday. Recently Ian has lent me his Land Rover…

Ian lent me his Land Rover,
It goes like a bat out of hell!
Something to do with chips I’m told,
(covered with hot chili sauce as well!)

Compared to my poor burnt Isuzu,
It pulls the loo trailer with ease.
Up the hill I feel quite ill,
As I shout “Whoa, Oh whoa please!
But it’s on Saturday mornings,
Where it seems confusion has been:
Nobody knows my new tin clothes,
I enter the sale unseen!

“Where’s your motor gone?”
Has been a common refrain,
The times I’ve had to answer,
Are enough to addle the brain!

Jim told me the other morning,
(he’s never been a charmer):
“For the first time since I’ve known you,
You look like a proper farmer!”
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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John’s Big Night Out!

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There are times when good tractor lights are invaluable! On Saturday night John filled his coffee flask and worked through the night to beat forecasted heavy rain. The difference in ploughing when dry and when wet is enormous when it comes to breaking down the land before planting the new crop. But you never know if forecasted heavy rain will arrive…

Sunday morning when most were asleep
Party-goers crawled home to their beds
Tractor lights shone in the furthest of fields
Dust rose from the large tyre treads

John was ploughing right through the night
Hoping to beat forecast rain
When he was finished it was back to his bed
Job done in the next harvest chain!

Bated breath was held to see if worth
Working into the night
By midday the rain was to stay
Proving to all he was right!

Well done John!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 20th!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Evaporating Chocolate!

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Have you ever suffered from evaporating chocolate? Yesterday morning while preparing the books for the accountant I was shocked to find that some chocolate had evaporated inside the wrapper while I sat at my desk. I will be writing to the manufacturers to voice my very real concerns that I have discovered what was, up to now, a physical impossibility. If you have had suffered too, please let me know. There are reports, so far unconfirmed, that evaporation has been a problem with some opened bottles of wine. The problem may not be unique to me…

I had to do the accounts
I was prisoner of deliberation
In order to ease the fearsome task
I opened up a Celebration

I had just reconciled bank statements
I thought I’d deserved just one
In a shot it hit the spot
Taste buds over run!

I checked through all the bills
Discovered some had gone astray
I had to steady up my nerves
No chocolate rationing today!

I shall have to ask the accountant
Can I set chocolate against my tax?
It is surely Tax efficient
As it’s my food not just snacks!

Empty wrappers sit on my desk
I now feel under the weather
The evidence has now disappeared
Thanks to my office shredder!

I shall have to get in touch with those nice people at Sweet Paradise in St Neots (http://www.sweetparadise.co.uk) so they can send reinforcements before the situation gets out of hand!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th!
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Good Old NHS!

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The Lister Hospital, Stevenage

It’s not often that you truly appreciate what you have. It is human nature to see the other man’s grass as being always greener. Yesterday I was taxi driver for a hospital outpatient’s visit. While waiting, I realised that in certain countries many of those present may not have received treatment due to cost. Although not perfect, the National Health Service must be better than the alternative…

Many often complain
About the NHS
They say that it’s unwieldy
And littered with excess

Our doctors and nurses work long hours
Caring for one and all
Whether young or old or middle aged
Seriously ill or just a fall

I heard a story recently
From a foreign A&E
Injured child was turned away
No free service there you see

We know there are too many clipboards
Wandering around the place
We know the value of front-line staff
They are the caring face

Let’s count our blessings while we can
And not make such a fuss
Thanks to the imperfect NHS
The alternative’s not for us

Dedicated to all the frontline staff who are there for us when we need them most and to all new nurses and doctors (especially Angharad about to start her nursing career in the A&E department of a large North Wales hospital following the successful conclusion of her university career), we wish them all well.

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Autumn Colours!

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September on the farm is a time to cultivate the fields ready for a new crop. Up and down the countryside tractor drivers have been putting in long hours preparing the ground. At Baldock Bard Farm, Pete has been busy…

The big John Deere is chugging away
Its rubber tracks are clean
Dust is blowing far behind
As it makes an Autumn scene

The subdisk has two rows of tines
That stirs the earth below
Discs then chop up any lumps
The forward speed is slow!
Pete is sitting in the cab
Twelve hours on his own
The only company he has got
The radio and his phone!

As you pass him in the car
Give the chap a toot!
He’s the start of your daily bread
And he doesn’t wear a suit!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

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