Five Golden Goslings!

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Goslings 2015One of the marvels of spring is the sudden appearance of little yellow bundles around the legs of the farm geese. No matter how many years you’ve witnessed this, it still comes as a wonderful surprise. However the show is always watched from a distance…

Five little goslings,
Under mothers feet,
Learning survival,
And finding things to eat.

They’re fluffy and they’re yellow,
They scoot around the yard,
Let’s hope the fox doesn’t get them,
‘Cos we would find that hard.

There’s daddy and there’s mummy,
And Aunty Goosey too!
It doesn’t hardly matter,
I don’t know who is who!

Nobody gets too close
To the precious little five
You’ll be penned in a corner
Until the other geese arrive!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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Sherry O’Clock!

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Sherry O'ClockApparently sherry is making a comeback. No longer is it just the favourite tipple of maiden aunts, the young are discovering its magic powers too. A glass or three can have the drinker telling the tallest of tales, climbing the highest of mountains or even writing the most absurd poetry…

It’s sherry o’clock in Barcelona,
Sherry o’clock in Banbury too,
“Would you care for a small glass of sherry?”
“Why, I really don’t mind if I do!”

Sonia discovered this remedy,
Said “living with Gerald’s not fair!”
Took sherry as her medication,
Hardly noticed he’s there!

A writer had nothing on paper,
His mind was empty they say,
Dispatched most of a bottle,
His best-seller is titled ‘Ole!’

A farmer I know had problems,
Counting his sheep every day,
He now waves at them in the morning,
With a sherry as they munch on hay!

A student had her boyfriend for dinner,
“Have a sherry or two,” she’d trill,
Cleared up into six bin bags,
Now her thesis is off to landfill

*Warning: drinking sherry can alter your vision, some things may appear to be closer than they really are. Serving suggestion only.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

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Wedding Shoes!

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Wedding ShoesThere are great pleasures from shopping at a discount store. Not only are you adding to Tesco’s woeful sales results, but you can never know what bargains you are likely to come across, most of which you never knew you wanted! My two and a half-year-old grand-daughter is hooked and even chants “Lidl-Lidl-Lidl” from the back seat during the journey…

According to my grand-daughter these are ‘wedding shoes,’
(Nice and soft, won’t damage the pews!)
Where some may wonder at the riddle,
Few would guess they came from Lidl!
Those who only buy designer shoes,
Would see straight through this little ruse!
However there’s one group who fool you can,
Don’t notice shoes? Must be a man!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

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1001st Blog Posting!

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1001On the 29th of February 2012, I posted a verse on my new blog site under the pen name Baldock Bard. Someone said “Ha! Bet you can’t write a thousand!” Today, this very morning is my 1001st posting. In that time over 155,000 people have viewed my verse and worse. Thank you all for your support of a simple farmer from Baldock UK who happens to write a blog…

1001 cleans a big big carpet,
Or so they used to say.
It now means a blog from the Baldock Bard,
Or so it does today!
So many thanks to readers,
Dotted around the world,
Without your support and following,
No celebratory flag unfurled!

With 1001 thanks to all of you, see you next time!
1001posts
© Baldock Bard 2015
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E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

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Early Malted Wheats!

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Malted WheatThird week of the car boot sale season and I’m up before the alarm clock. The first phone call interrupts my breakfast at 05:35, but such is life when you’re in retail! Time speeds by at this time of the morning…

Five-thirty in the morning I’m eating Malted Wheats,
I’ve left my warm bed with its comforting sheets.
Daylight is breaking soon time to go,
To open the gates, and let traffic flow!
One thing with a boot sale you have no idea,
Who will be selling or who will appear,
What will be selling, what will folk buy?
I’d better get moving doesn’t time fly!

I hope you have a most enjoyable Saturday and it brings all you’d wish for!
CBS180415
© Baldock Bard 2015
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E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

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The Big Breakfasters!

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Hotel BreakfastWhen did we become a greedy nation? Perhaps we always were and I missed the vital signs? The other morning I had a self-service breakfast in a hotel. I asked a waitress if much food was wasted by people’s greed. Her reply was shocking…

“Many breakfasters pile up their plate,
Sausages, eggs, hash browns to sate,
Then when that’s gone they’re back for more,
And possibly a third time if they’re sure!”

“Their final plate is seldom cleared,
Belching and farting they’ve disappeared,
Leaving behind a wasted plateful,
Wouldn’t do it at home it’s disgraceful.”

“Off they go to do whatever they do,
With a heaving stomach (to the loo!),
But I know,” she said with sorrow,
“They’ll do the same at breakfast tomorrow!”

*The picture above is a serving suggestion only involving actors who cleared their plates!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

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A Stitch in Time!

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JCB Loadall 15Yesterday morning I had a most frustrating time in the local hospital with an elderly relative, followed by over half an hour stuck in a traffic jam inside the hospitals expensive multi-storey car park. I was looking forward to carting fertilizer out to James on the spreader in the afternoon. However a discovery made me wary…

“There’s a nail in your tyre,” said James,
“It always pours but never rains!”
I thought about attacking it with pliers,
But it’s better left in high-pressure tyres!
Looking up to the sky for inspiration,
What James said next caused consternation:
“I shouldn’t look at the other tyre if I were you,
‘Cos you’ll find there’s one in there too!”
So I nurtured the tyres with much care,
Hoping not to soil my underwear!
So this morning the tyre depot I’ll ring,
A stitch in time is a wonderful thing!
Nailed it© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Barstool Golf Expert!

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golf greenLast weekend Mrs Bard and I stayed at a Golf and Spa Hotel. The view from the bar was spectacular with an added interest, the 18th hole…

We watched three golfers going for a stroll,
Their ultimate destination, the 19th hole.
We saw their practice swings on the 18th tee,
It looked a very tricky hole to me.

If your follow-through happens to suddenly stop,
Then into the lake your ball goes plop!
If you hit the ball hard it goes too far,
Crashes through the window and into the bar!

Despite my cruel wishes and anticipated glee,
They all landed on the green perfectly!
I then realised with considerable shame,
They’re all better than an expert who doesn’t play the game!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

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When The April Dust Does Blow!

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Linseed drillYesterday we planted 40 acres of linseed (used in paints, nutritional supplements or for varnishing cricket bats!). Karl was on the powerharrow/drill combination and I was following with the rolls. The overwhelming factor was not the usual April showers, but clouds and clouds of dust…

There’s dust flying a-plenty,
When we’re preparing the ground,
For a linseed crop, we dare not stop,
In case an April shower comes around!
The drill is going quite slowly,
To make a fine seedbed,
Then come the rolls to compact it,
So the seed and soil are well wed!
The dust from this whole operation,
In clouds is blowing about,
But if it should rain ‘afore we’re finished,
We’d need a spade to dig us both out!
Roll DustWith thanks to Karl for his acccuracy, skill and clever welding! Everybody needs a Karl when time is short and the dust is flying!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

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Footpaths – A National Treasure

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Rambling OnThis week while driving around the farm I came across a group of ramblers on one of my grass fields. Rather than acting like Farmer Palmer from the Viz comic (Farmer Palmer says ‘Git Orf My Effin Land!’), I stopped and passed the time of day with them. It is great to share what I see every day…

They’re strolling in the sun across my field,
It’s only grass, won’t lose any yield,
It’s such fun when you share with a crowd,
To see other’s enjoyment makes you so proud.

They’re using my workplace for recreation,
On a series of footpaths that link up the nation,
It’s a very good way, of watching health and your weight,
I’m sure into Britain it helps put the Great!

Dedivated to all those who work behind the scenes to ensure the continuation of this National Treasure.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
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