Urgent Upgrade For: Daughter App!

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matiParents who have downloaded the app: DAUGHTER, are advised to install this latest update. This includes a short guide to dealing with a new virus that could turn your lovely, beautiful, charming darling into a snarling spiteful monster when a particular ‘software’ request goes unheeded…

Various methods to diagnose the presence of ‘WANT PUPPY!’ in your daughter:

  1. Drop the word ‘PUPPY’ into conversation …Observe reaction.
  1. Unveil picture of ‘PUPPY’ …Observe reaction.
  1. Check internet browsing history for ‘PUPPY’ …Observe reaction.
  1. Check cellphone for message including ‘PUPPY’ …Observe reaction.

Don’t fall for light discussion regarding ‘PUPPY’, it is dangerous and could lead to…

THE NEXT STAGE

These vital signs shouldn’t be missed:

  1. The Plea: “Can we go and see a PUPPY?”
  1. The Excuse: “We don’t have to have the first PUPPY we see!”
  1. The Bluff: “We’ll just be looking at PUPPY!”

It is important that before you go to “just look” at PUPPY you check for unusual signs:

  • For the first time ever there is a hidden blanket in the car and snow is not forecast for the next few months.
  • Tins of food with PUPPY on the label have appeared in the cupboard next to the breakfast cereal.
  • PUPPY MONTHLY suddenly appears on the mat alongside the daily newspaper.
  • The neighbours have started erecting a dog-proof fence.
  • The council sends six men in high-vis to attach a dog-poo bin to the lamppost outside your house.
  • Old newspapers have been hoarded in the garage rather than being put out with the recycling.

Ignore these vital signs at your peril as ignorance could lead to…

THE FINAL OUTCOME…

You find yourself with

ONE OF THESE…

puppy…A PUPPY!

It’s cute, it’s soft, it’s charming and lovely… just like your daughter!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Benefit of Flowers Indoors!

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flowersThe other day a friend thought we needed cheering up and kindly bought us some flowers. Now, being just a peasant of the soil, I’m not a great flower lover. However when I sat down that evening I suddenly realised they’d lit up the room with their colours and I couldn’t help but smile. Job done…

I lit the fire when it got dark,
on the sofa I did park,
I happened to notice a vase of flowers,
in the room (had been there hours!).
Their vibrant colours lit up the room,
a blaze of happiness amongst the gloom.
So thank-you Val (she flowers leave),
for bringing light on an autumn eve!

On this autumn morning, I wish you flowers!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Last Hurrah Before Winter!

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DCIM100MEDIADJI_0066.JPGYesterday late-afternoon as the sun was going down I realised that the colour of the trees had suddenly turned autumnal. So out with my trusty drone and up to the wood behind the farm. In the golden light of sunset the differing colours were magnified to give a most unusual view…

The golden light of sunset,
plays upon the wood,
the changing leaves of autumn,
look quite unlike they should!
We’ve grown up to think one way,
that all the leaves turn brown,
before they disengage,
and float gently to the ground.
Sometimes we don’t take notice,
of views around our home,
sometimes we need a different view:
the view from air by drone!

Enjoy the Autumn colours around, the last ‘Hurrah!’ before Winter.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Joys Of Friendship

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thennowLast year everyone told me not to worry about turning sixty as this is now the new forty! Huh! In many ways it hasn’t felt like it, my body is in slow decline and the shock I get every morning when I look in the mirror starts my heart beating again. But now I’ve become sixty-one I realise that some things don’t change…

My oldest friend and I
stood on a gate,
in the same position,
as we stood
many years before.
We re-encacted
the picture!
He is distinguished,
having had,
good health,
a successful career,
long marriage,
three children,
and grey hair!
I on the other hand,
have been a peasant,
all my life,
but enjoyed,
good health,
two children,
and long marriage.
Sadly,
we both share,
the devastating
loss of a child,
but above all,
we also share,
the joy of a life-long friendship.

To all my readers, friends and loved ones, thank you for your friendship. The other person in the old photo is my father, still going strong at 90 years old!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

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Drone On The Roof!

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rooffall3Yesterday I had a minor crash with my UAV (Drone) and it looked spectacular. Losing concentration I tried to land it on the roof of the stables from where it fell unceremoniously to the ground. Suddenly a song by the Drifters came into my mind and I now can’t shift it: ‘Up On The Roof!” Four new propellers and two prop guards later all was well…

When your drone starts foolin’ around,
and misbehaves in front of your face
it climbs up higher than our stairs,
and all my training falls right into place!
On the roof, no landing place to be,
the landing zone is as hard as hard can be!
Let me tell you now,

When I pick up the pieces of my drone,
I carry it back to the table at home (it hit the roof!)
I get away from the accident site
And think about the excuse I can use (it hit the roof!)
On the roof the only place I know,
Where drones that land make up a good show!
Let’s not land on the roof! (up on the roof!)

The damage wasn’t as bad as it could be,
and from the picture you can clearly see,
I keep a telling you… (repeat from top!)

With apologies to the Drifters for borrowing their melody, please can you take it back now?

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Ploughing Match

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ploughing-matchThese days farmers have a choice of cultivation methods to choose from. There’s No-Till where seeds are planted by the drill into stubble, Min-Till where only light cultivations precede the drill and finally the traditional Plough-cultivate-drill. The plough is now seldom seen in action on the farm. It’s expensive in both wearing parts, fuel and most of all, time. Ironically I’ve done more ploughing this year than ever before, but then, what do I know about anything? The skill of ploughing is maintained by the countryside’s hidden sport of the Ploughing Match. Friend Ian took along his vintage crawler tractor and plough (my plough stayed at home so I didn’t advertise my lack of skill!)…

The art of the ploughman is kept alive,
when to the ploughing match tractors arrive.
They plough an opening furrow long and straight,
this is then judged a nerve-wracking wait.
Then off to the neighbour’s furrow in with the plough,
and slowly start ploughing, is it level now?
Adjustments are made to furrow, width and pitch,
concentrate now and stop before ditch!
The last furrow should match up well with your first,
then it’s off to the beer tent to satisfy your thirst!

With thanks to Ian and Charlotte for the photo, and best of luck to the winners who go onto the next level. I shall return to my plough and pretend I have the skill.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Special Friend

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monkeyMost children have something that, above all else, is so precious to them that at times of distress only that item will do. My granddaughter has Monkey. The fact that she has a number of identical simians makes no difference, only Monkey will do. There are times when adults could do with such a friend…

My Granddaughter’s monkey always wears a smile,
even though his life’s a trial.
Everywhere he tags along,
just in case things go wrong!
He knows how to make things better,
by clinging on to her tear-stained sweater.
His reward for being her friend,
is constant use: mend on mend.
Even then he wears that smile,
his friendship goes that extra mile!

Remembering all those special friends we all rely on in times of trouble. Do you know someone who could do with a special ‘Monkey-style’ hug today?
Especially remembering Maxwell, Mandy, Annabell and Thomas also John, Angie, Rachel and family. Life can be cruel but friends can help by being friends. 

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

 

 

 

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An Old Friend!

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grape-nutsHave you ever spotted an old friend and walked on by knowing it wouldn’t work out? I was in our local supermarket when, tucked away in the corner of a shelf outnumbered by more famous and larger brands, was a very old friend. However times have changed and I had to ignore…

I passed an old friend in the aisle,
the memories we shared made me smile.
We’d meet in the mornings long ago,
when I was a lad yet to grow!
But then you went out of my life,
I had two kids and a wife,
I can’t return to that crunchy delight,
with my dentures it wouldn’t be right!

I never knew where the name ‘Grape-Nuts’ came from as they included neither! Where did the hen and chicks on the packet go? Thanks for the memory!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Mechanic’s Encore!

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twins-4Just when I thought that my saga of major breakdowns was over, I was stranded in a field a fair way from the farm with a tractor that refused to move. I only had a handkerchief-sized piece of the field left to plough. Enter stage left the ‘Mechanical Twins’ for another encore…

I’m thinking I shouldn’t be allowed near a tractor,
In the scheme of things I’m the weakest factor!
Every time I put on the plough,
I do some damage I don’t know how.
My latest damage was late at night,
Should have stopped after tea it wasn’t right,
I came to turn at the headland mark,
The tractor stopped as if resting in ‘park’.
Another visit from the mechanical twins,
(Who, we all know work magic on mechanical things!)
After an agonisingly slow journey back to the farm,
They inspected the tractor with some alarm,
Jonnie said, “I am truly very sorry”
“This tractor’s off to Luton we’ll send you a lorry!”
The other Jonnie smiled, with not much to say
‘Cos he’s off on holiday this Wednesday!

I have given myself a second written warning, one more and I could face the sack. Remember to appreciate your local mechanic, as they are the doctors and surgeons of the mechanical world. Yet again my thanks to Oliver Landpower of Luton and everyone who is trying to get me back in the furrow as soon as possible.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Friends Found!

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On September 29th I wrote about a couple who were emigrating from Bedfordshire to Bournemouth https://www.u-boot.co.uk/baldockbardblog/?p=8791 As the days progressed and the last car boot sale of the season drew ever closer I began to panic. Would I find them to let them see the posting? Would they appear out of the blue? Would I ever see them again? They had became a couple that epitomised the friendly face of the Baldock Saturday Boot Sale…

Last Saturday, on the very last sale of the season, there they were! Not only that but after the sale was over they sent an e-mail that out-barded the Bard. So for the first time (hopefully not the last), pray silence for our guest writers of the day, Dawn and Ray (aka the Talls), formerly of Clifton, Beds, soon to be of Bournemouth, Hants…

Each Saturday before dawn breaks
The Baldock Bard cheerily wakes
A hop and a skip to the coffee and toast
Then down to the field to let in the host…
Of sellers who’ve come to dispense of their wares
They look at the weather and utter their prayers.
‘It’s Simon’ they yell, ‘all’s well with the world’,
As they head for the field like the Dervish who whirled.
He stops for a chat with each one he greets
No favourites has he, no time for elites
Once everyone’s settled he’s off on his rounds
To part the good punters from their hard earned pounds.
Please take no offence, we think you’re a smasher
The lord of the manor, the King of his pasture
And as we depart for lands by the sea
Dawn and Ray wish you well, and we will guarantee
That if ever to Baldock we venture to shoot
We’ll spend a few hours at your famous car boot.

From Dawn and Ray aka ‘The Talls’.

Looks Like I’m going to up my game with competition of this standard! Look out Bournemouth, the lovely Dawn and Ray are on their way!

For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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