The Puppy Plumber!

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puppy-plumberThe other day I was attempting some amateur plumbing (or ‘Amateur Dramatics’ as Mrs Bard would say!). I realise I am getting old and tools have a habit of playing Hide and Seek, only to be discovered weeks or months later, but on this occasion tools were disappearing quicker than if someone had shouted ‘Fire!’…

I was on my back under the sink,
attempting to fit a new tap,
when all of a sudden tools went astray,
“Who on earth’s taken that?”

The spanner I’d used a minute before,
a wrench, washer and pipe,
all had completely gone from view,
with a cloth (handy to wipe!).

Then there came a yap from next door,
like a puppy laughing at me!
There in her bed lay my missing tools,
she looked as smug as a puppy could be!

Puppies can be fun but they can also interrupt your day in ways you could never imagine – you have been warned!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
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Monday Morning Moan!

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child-parkThe other day I went shopping with my 4 year-old granddaughter. Hoping for the miracle of an empty mother/toddler parking space I drove to the front of the car park. Yes! there was a space, however as I’d not arrived in a toy car, space was at a premium…

Arriving to park by the door,
my temperature rose sky-high once more,
a selfish parker had taken up two places,
in the mother/toddler parking spaces.
Looking into the errant-parked car,
I felt the driver had gone too far,
no car seat, no evidence of a child,
made this grandad awful wild!
From the back seat came a small voice:
“We’ll just have to go where there is more choice!”

This just proves that a four-year-old has more sense than me!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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New Dog Old Tricks!

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old-dogThey say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. What they never tell you is that an old dog excels in teaching a new dog old tricks! Our old terrier, Chip, is very old and takes great pleasure in watching our puppy misbehave…

Our old dog,
sits upon the furniture,
looking down his nose,
as the puppy runs around.
Our small puppy,
climbs upon the furniture,
she enjoys climbing,
chewing cushions that she’s found!
Our old dog,
smiles down from the furniture,
knowing that his naughtiness,
will always be around!
chip-pupGive your dog an extra treat today for being… your dog!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Long Queue!

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img_2265The other day Mrs Bard and I joined a queue behind two tractors that lasted many miles. There was no overtaking, even though we passed many places where the two tractors could have pulled in to let the queue pass. This was all the more frustrating as we were in 4th place! When I looked in the rear-view mirror, the traffic behind stretched as far as I could see. Mrs Bard said it was probably a good exercise for me to be on the other side of the fence for a change, a charge I disputed as I always try my best to pull in wherever possible when driving my tractor…

If you’re in a rush,
if you’re in a hurry,
There will be a hold-up,
it’s Sod’s Law – don’t you worry!
It may be a lorry,
it could be a bus,
or possibly two tractors,
you can’t make a fuss!
Sometimes you’re at the back,
sometimes at the front,
when you finally get to pass,
you may curse their selfish stunt!
It is most frustrating,
it is never fun,
but ‘Karma’ gets them in the end,
you’ll never know you’ve won!

I hope there are no hold-ups in your day today and none caused by a farmer. We are only Son’s of the Soil, so blame me!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Rainy Days and Mondays!

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rainbow-23Do you sometimes find that Mondays can be tough when you’ve been away? This morning I shall probably have to jump start myself in order to have any chance of achieving anything. It doesn’t help that my prayers have finally been answered in the weather department, showing up leaking gutters and blocked drains…

Monday morning work again,
dark dank morning pouring with rain!
Last month I prayed for raindrops to plop,
now I fear it won’t know when to stop!
Just shows ‘be careful for what you ask’,
for nature may take you to task,
so looking towards the sky refrain,
from shouting loudly: “Where’s my rain?”

Have a great Monday, just ignore the rain, it’s my fault, I’m sorry! Have a rainbow to brighten your day!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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In The Digital Darkness!

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darknessFor the last eight days I have been in IT darkness! Mrs Bard and I rented an apartment in a Norfolk seaside town and I couldn’t find a way to attach my Macbook to the wifi. My iPhone would only find a signal through an outstretched arm on the balcony and there was no postbox in sight. So those who foretold of my untimely demise are to be disappointed, I am back…

I cannot believe I’d ever feel this way,
with no means of communication on holiday,
but when I got used to having no signal,
I had time to read upon my Kindle!
Mealtimes had no interruptions,
no viruses worms or other corruptions!
Wherever we went in this iPhone nation,
people were texting with no conversation!
Youngsters sat around cafe table,
clicking and clacking – speech not able!
Now I’m home I have to say,
I was most relaxed on my i-Free holiday!

With thanks to those who e-mailed to enquire about my general state of health, I hope you all enjoy a relaxing weekend.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

 

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Fields of Brown!

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Photo from new DJI Mavic Drone

Photo from new DJI Mavic Drone

By this stage in the autumn an arable farmer’s fields should be green with winter wheat. Ours are still brown (when seen from the drone). The lack of rain has postponed emergence in parts of the fields and we were desperate for rain. Having had almost no decent rainfall for 66 days the heavens opened overnight…

Putting out the puppy,
early in the morning,
I wondered why my hair was wet,
without a hint of warning!

Then I realised with a shock,
the rain was pouring down,
I almost danced a jig right there,
in my dressing gown!

16 millimetres in the gauge,
that’s a good start for ten!
I grabbed the naughty puppy,
and went back to bed again!

091116© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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On The Doorstep!

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bootsI wonder what’s on your doorstep these days? There is unlikely to be a milk bottle in a carrier with an adjustable number to show pints needed from the milkman. it is also doubtful that there is a boot jack and scraper as we all live antiseptic lives, with car-carpet to house-carpet on nice clean concrete. Our farmhouse doorstep can be shambolic…

They’ve been for a walk I see,
discarded wellies, A-B-C!
They are left where they fell,
will they be removed who can tell!
But it’s a sign,
we all can see,
our daughter’s family,
has come to tea!

…and it’s a wonderful sight! If you have visitors today, enjoy!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

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The Dashing Deer!

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deer-jump-picThere are times when a picture isn’t worth a thousand words. The other day Mrs Bard and I were driving down a narrow country road when suddenly a deer leapt out from behind a hedge, and with no regard to the finer points of the Highway Code, ran across the road in front off the car. This was caught on the Dashcam but lacked any Hollywood action…

The Dashcam was ready to capture evidence,
when the deer jumped over the roadside fence,
all the action was ‘caught on card’
claiming for this would have been very hard!
The ‘other driver’ was uninsured,
would have sped off before getting bored,
A simple photo has somewhat masked it,
“What was that? Damn and Blast-it!”
But nothing happened no contact made,
So just a deer picture I’m afraid,
but much relief upon my part,
an un-injured deer did depart!

If you’re driving along a country road, please be aware that you might come across a dashing deer. Please stay safe out there.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Doctor Says…!

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pl5There is an old joke where a doctor is seeing a patient before surgery: “I’m pleased to say, Mr Jones, that after surgery you’ll be able to play the violin.” “That’s remarkable doctor, that’s one thing I couldn’t do before!” Yesterday I went ploughing with my recently repaired tractor and achieved the neatest ploughing ever. I had to record the moment with my camera. Maybe it has something to do with the ‘Tractor-Doctors’ who effected the repair…

I looked behind from the tractor seat,
the furrows I could see were straight and neat,
I could ‘see’ a big cup in a ploughing match,
(turned out to be tea, not a good catch!)
I took a photo it was such a surprise,
shame that the sun had been in my eyes!
Looking at the photo on the computer screen,
was like the big fish the fisherman’s never seen!
So I’ve not sent off the ploughing match’s entry letter
for fear of the reply – ‘Could do better!’

If you’re driving past the farm, please don’t judge the ploughing on School Field, or if you do, please be kind and pretend it’s not mine!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@u-boot.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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